Re: A Christmas Eve Story
From: jay kulkin (jkulkin@mindspring.com)
Wed Dec 24 13:42:59 1997
I think you mean Adam Sandlers Hannukah song ( finally nothing to do with
managed care!!!!!
Jay
At 01:23 PM 12/24/97 -0600, you wrote:
>
> It's a Wonderful Machine: The Sweetest Christmas Movie Frank
>Capra Never Made
>
> By David Pogue
>
> I guess I shouldn't have gone to a party where the
>eggnog was spiked, and maybe I shouldn't have watched the movie It's a
>Wonderful Life while leafing through
> MacWeek. But anyway, I had the weirdest dream last night--like a bizarre
> black-and-white movie that went like this: Jimmy Stewart stars as Steve
>"Jobs" Bailey, who runs a beleaguered but beloved small-town computer
>company. For years, big monopolist Bill "Gates" Potter has been wielding
>his power and money to gain control of the town. And for years, Steve has
>fought for survival: "This town needs my measly, one-horse computer, if
>only to have something for people to use instead of Windows!"
>
> But now an angry mob is banging on Apple's front
>door, panicking. "The press says your company is doomed!" yells one man.
>"You killed the clones! We're going to Windows!" calls another. "We
>want out of our investment!" they shout.
>Steve, a master showman, calms them. "Don't do it! If Potter gets
>complete control
>of the desktop, you'll be forced to buy his bloatware and pay for his
>cruddy
>upgrades forever! We can get through this, but we've got to have faith
>and stick
>together!" The crowd decides to give him one more chance. But the day
>before Christmas, something terrible happens: On his way to the bank, the
>company's financial man, Uncle Gilly, somehow manages to lose $1.7
>billion.With eyes flashing, Steve grabs the befuddled Gilly by the
>lapels. "Where's that money, you stupid old fool? Don't you realize what
>this means? It means bankruptcy and scandal! Get out of my company--and
>don't come back!"
>
> Desperate and afraid, Steve heads to Martini's, a
>local Internet cafe, and drowns his sorrows in an iced cappuccino.
>Surfing the Web at one of the cafe's Macs, all he finds online is
>second-guessing, sniping by critics, and terrible market-share numbers.
>As a blizzard rages, Steve drives his car crazily toward the river. "Oh,
>what's the use?!" he exclaims. "We've lost the war. Windows rules the
>world. After everything
> I've worked for, the Mac is going to be obliterated! Think of all the
>passion and
>effort these last 15 years--wasted! Think of the billions of dollars,
>hundreds of
>companies, millions of people . . . ."
>
> He stands on the bridge, staring at the freezing, roiling river
>below--and finally hurls himself over the railing. After a moment of
>floundering in the chilly water, however, he's pulled to safety by a
>bulbous-nosed oddball. "Who are you?!" Steve splutters angrily. "Name's
>Clarence--I mean Claris," says the guy. "I'm your guardian angel. I've
>been sent down to help you--it's my last chance to earn my wings."
>
> "Nobody can help me," says Steve bitterly. "If I
>hadn't created the Mac,
>everybody'd be a lot happier: Mr. Potter, the media, even our customers.
>Hell, we'd
> all be better off if the Mac had never been invented at all!"
>
> Music swirls. The wind howls. The tattoo on Steve's
>right buttock--Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story--vanishes. Steve pats the
>empty pocket where he usually carries his Newton. "What gives?" "You've
>got your wish," says Claris. "You never invented the Mac. It never
>existed. You haven't a care in the world."
>
> "Look, little fella, go off and haunt somebody
>else," Steve mutters. He heads over to Martini's Internet cafe for a good
>stiff drink. But he's shocked at the difference inside. "My God, look at
>the people using these computers! Both of them--they look like math
>professors!"
>
> "They are," says Claris.
>
> "What is this, a museum? It looks like those
>computers are running DOS!"
>
> "Good eye!" says Claris. "DOS version 25.01, in
>fact--the very latest."
>
> "I don't get it," Steve says.
>
> "DOS is a lot better and faster these days, but it
>hasn't occurred to anybody to market a computer with icons and menus yet.
>There's no such thing as Windows--after all, there never was a Mac
>interface for Microsoft to copy."
>
> "But this equipment is ancient!" Steve exclaims. "No
>sound, no CD-ROM drive, not even 3.5-inch floppies!"
>
> "Those aren't antiques!" Claris says. "They're
>state-of-the-art Compaqs, complete with the latest 12X, 5-inch-floppy
>drives. Don't forget, Steve: The Mac introduced and standardized all that
>good stuff you named."
>
> "But that's nuts!" Steve explodes. "You mean to tell
>me that the 46 percent of American households with computers are all
>using DOS?"
>
> "Correction: All 9 percent of American households,"
>says Claris cheerfully.
> "Without a graphic interface, computers are still too complicated to be
>popular."
>
> "Bartender!" shouts Steve. "You don't have a copy of
>Wired here, do you? I've got to read up on this crazy reality!"
>
> The bartender glares. "I don't know what you're
>wired on, pal, but either stop talking crazy or get outta my shop."
>
> "No such thing as Wired," whispers Claris. "Never
>was. Before you wished the Mac away, most magazines were produced
>entirely on the Mac. Besides, Wired
>would be awfully thin without the Web."
>
> "Without the--now, wait just a minute!" Horrified,
>Steve rushes over to one of the PCs and connects to the Internet. "You
>call this the Net? It looks like a text-only
>BBS--and there's practically nobody online!"
>
> "Where's Navigator? Where's Internet Explorer? Where's the Web,
>for Pete's sake?"
>
> "Oh, I see," Claris smiles sympathetically. "You
>must be referring to all those technologies that spun off from the
>concept of a graphic interface. Look, Steve. Until the Mac made the mouse
>standard, there was no such thing as point and click.
> And without clicking, there could be no Web . . . and no Web companies.
>Believe it or not, Marc Andreesen works in a Burger King in Cincinnati."
>
> Steve scoffs. "Well, look, if you apply that logic,
>then PageMaker wouldn't exist either. Photoshop, Illustrator, FreeHand,
>America Online, digital movies--all that stuff began life on the Mac."
>
> "You're getting it," Claris says. He holds up a copy
>of Time magazine. "Check out the cover price."
>
> Steve gasps. "Eight bucks? They've got a lot of
>nerve!"
>
> "Labor costs. They're still pasting type onto master
>pages with hot wax."
>
> "You're crazy!" screams Steve. "I'm going back to my
>office at Apple!" He drives like a madman back to Cupertino--but the sign
>that greets him there doesn't say,
>"Welcome to Apple." It says, "Welcome to Microsoft South."
>
> "Sorry, Steve; Apple went out of business in 1985,"
>says Claris. "You see, you really did have a wonderful machine! See what
>a mistake it was to wish it away?"
>
> Steve is sobbing, barely listening. "OK, then--I'll
>go to my office at Pixar!"
>
> "You don't have an office at Pixar," Claris reminds
>him. "There was no Mac to make you rich enough to buy Pixar!"
>
> Steve has had enough. He rushes desperately back to
>the icy bridge over the river. "Please, God, bring it back! Bring it
>back! I don't care about market share! Please! Iwant the Mac to live
>again!" Music, wind, heavenly voices--and then snow begins softly
>falling.
>
> "Hey, Steve! You all right?" calls out Steve's
>friend Larry from a passing helicopter.
> Steve pats his pocket--the Newton is there again! It's all back! Steve
>runs through the town, delirious with joy. "Merry Christmas, Wired!
>Merry Christmas, Internet! Merry Christmas, wonderful old Microsoft!"
>
> And now his office is filled with smiling people
>whose lives the Mac has touched.There's old Mr. Chiat/Day the adman.
>There's Yanni the musician. And there's Mr.Spielberg the moviemaker. As
>the Apple board starts singing "Auld Lang Syne,"
>somebody boots up a Power Mac.
>
> Steve smiles at the startup sound. "You know what
>they say," he tells the crowd. "Every time you hear a startup chime, an
>angel just got his wings."
>
> _____________________________________
> David Pogue's latest book is The Microsloth Joke
> _____________________________________
>Book (Berkeley, 1997). If the World Wide Web still exists, his home page
>is http://www.pogueman.com.
>
>Best Wishes to all for a Merry Christmas, Joyous Hannukkah.BTW,I heard a
>song about Hannukkah on the local Las Vegas station. It had a Reggae type
>beat and told about all the ppl in entertainment who celebrated Hannukkah
>and some who didnt. It was hilarious. I wonder if anyone knows the name
>and artist?
>
>Gary Kleinman
>fuf@ix.netcom.com
>
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