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MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL....
MAY YOUR NEW YEAR BRING YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS TO LIFE.
By the way... here's a notice from personnel for all of you:
Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for
better, more competative steps. Effective immediately, the following
economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas"
subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be
the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant,
providing considerable savings in maintenace.
The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be
condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.
The three French hens will remain intact even though nobody likes the
French. They fight with their feet and #$%@ with their faces.
The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system
with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the
birds
have been calling, how often and how long have they talked.
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors.
Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative
implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other
precious metals as well as a mix of T-bills and high technology stocks
appear
to
be in order.
The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury that can no longer be
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per
goose per
day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let
go,
and an upgrading in the selection proceedure by personnel will assure
management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.
The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times.
The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The
current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore
enhance
theiroutplacement.
As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being
sought.
The
more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility.
Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending,
a-mentoring,
or a-mulching.
Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be
phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the
steps.
Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense
of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to
suggest
replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping
ability
may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect
an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.
Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the
band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on
new
music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to
the bottom line.
We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl,animals
and
other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that streching
deliveries
over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service
levels will be improved.
Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking
expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing")
action
is
pending.
Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary
in the future to stay competative. Should this happen, the Board will
request
management to scrutinize the Snow White division to see if seven dwarfs
is
the right number.
