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Re: Horrible caseFrom: mt1mssi@sprintmail.comWed Nov 27 14:16:29 1996
Dear Dr. Chudakoff: I am no physician but I am a parent and a female and a formerly "neglected" child. I cannot cite too many similarities other than perhaps some promiscuity and an early longing to get pregnant, but my mother was on top of me like white on rice -- just she wasn't there becuase of working several jobs. At any rate, my point is this. You are in a dilemma. If you attempt to help the child through an "agency" and the agency does contact the parent, the parent may beat the kid senseless for bringing attention. If you try to intervene by yourself, it may have a similar effect or, the young woman may attach herself to you in a dependent way. I worry about *protective* agencies because there is a process and a resolution that doesn't fit everyone. I am 45 years old and I don't trust too many medical professionals (I am a med transcriber, by profession). However, I did hook up with one (chiropractor) whose demeanor and non-lecturing way of giving me information has led me to a healthier and more conscious life regarding weight, exercise and other related things. I bring my children to him for *adjustments* and I know that if he talks with them, I need not be in the room because I implicitly trust his judgment, his vision and his manner. He is above reproach yet kind, warm and genuinely caring. I think you already know that nothing you do will really reach her right now. She is surviving a life. You are a man, which already puts you in a specific category (good or bad??). YOu are an adult. You are an authority figure. You can't lecture, and I don't hear that in your message. You can't preach. But you can advise. She probably already knows the horrors of HIV/AIDS or she wouldn't bother. She may really be on a suicide kick. Exposing herself to HIV/AIDS and knowing that she needs to be tested tells you she's on a road to a certain (maybe living) death. Now, what do you do. Offer her 1) birth control and condoms? I don't know that you can in your professional capacity. Tell her where she can find those things, I guess. Offer your ear, outside of office hours, any time. Tell her that the boys/men she is intimate should come to see you and be tested too so she can have a clean start. That clean HIV report is like a superior report card. As of that moment she was clean. That's worth praising and helping her to maintain. I think you have to allow her partners to see you too. I assume you are at a Clinic and maybe money isn't the issue to keep her out of your office. Open the door to her partners and friends. (Can you?) I don't believe that written pamphlets are going to hit her. Only your caring kindness and following through with your offers of medical/psychological support will get through to her. Remember what she has at home... a drugged out mom, who probably has many of the same issues. Show her she can be different. Teach her about cleanliness. Inspire her to finish school because so far God wanted her to make it without AIDS or pregnancy at this time. Tell her the results of these tests and her having found you right now in her life may very well be a message from above that she has work to do on this planet and her clean report was her new beginning. Try to save her and she will save others. Good luck, Dr. Rick. Pat Kurz. mt1mssi@sprintmail.com
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