FRI: TQI

From: DMECNM@aol.com
Thu Apr 21 20:17:28 2005


~~~God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire~~~

In order to better serve your needs, God asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

How did you find out about God? ___ Bible ___ Torah ___ Book of Mormon ___ Koran ___ Television ___ Divine Inspiration ___ Word of mouth ___ Dead Sea scrolls ___ Near-death Experience ___ Near-life experience ___ National Public Radio ___ Burning Shrubbery

Which God model did you acquire? ___ Yahweh ___ Jehovah ___ Allah ___ Just plain God ___ Krishna ___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak) ___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak) ___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak) ___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature

Please describe the problems you have encountered with your God. ___ Not eternal ___ Not omniscient ___ Not omnipotent ___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe ___ Permits sex outside of marriage ___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage ___ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms) ___ Plays dice with the universe

What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God? ___ Indoctrinated by parents ___ Needed a reason to live ___ Indoctrinated by society ___ Needed target for rage ___ Imaginary friend grew up ___ Hate to think for self ___ Fear of death ___ To piss off parents ___ Needed to feel morally superior

Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? __ Self-help books __ Tarot, Astrology __ Star Trek reruns __ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll __ EST __ Television __ Mantras __ Jimmy Swaggart __ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)

Have you ever worshipped a false God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by? ___ The Almighty Dollar ___ The Conservative Right ___ Ronald Reagan ___ Mushrooms

God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):

Natural Disaster: 1 2 3 4 5 War: 1 2 3 4 5 Miracles: 1 2 3 4 5 Dubya: 1 2 3 4 5

Thank you for your time.





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