Re: Would you do it again-long reply to Alexandra.

From: Cheri Van Hoover (cherivh@home.com)
Sun Aug 27 12:18:56 2000


"Deborah Wage, FNP,CNM" wrote:

> I would be interested to hear from the midwives on our list. 'They'
> (whoever "they" is) says the average professional life span for a midwife is
> 7 years. So, would *you* do it again?

Ah. I thought no one would ever ask....

At least as much as medicine, possibly even more, midwifery is a calling. I believe I was called to do this work, that it is what I was put on this earth to do, and that I would not have fulfilled my true nature and fundamental spiritual tasks if I had not listened to that call. I am fully identified as a midwife. It is a major part of who I am as a person, and part of what I will always be, even when I am no longer practicing.

It took 10 years from the time I knew I wanted/needed to be a midwife until the time I graduated from midwifery school. During that time I was balancing the needs of my family with my educational path. I taught childbirth classes and attended births as what would now be called a doula. I have now been practicing as a midwife for 13 years, so I guess I've done better than the average stated above.

I love the work of midwifery. I enjoy the type and quality of interactions I have with the women. I feel that I continue to grow, both as a clinician and as an artist - refining my personal interactive skills, my insight, and my ability to put the woman and her family first rather than feeding my own needs and desires. I believe this is an ongoing process for all of us.

I do not love the physical demands of midwifery. Not only are the hours inhumanly long (as in obstetrics), but the work is very difficult, too. Twisting into bizarre body shapes for deliveries in odd places and positions, squatting with a woman for 2 hours on a bathroom floor, lifting her from one position to another, and just generally trying to make my body do things that were difficult 13 years ago and are becoming increasingly impossible now. Then there's the emotional work of midwifery, which is equally difficult. Holding a hand, massaging a back, embracing a standing woman, stroking her hair, murmuring words of love and support for hour and hour and hour on end, exploring fears and other feelings, encouraging, challenging, exhorting, through the long days and nights.... I have lived with the exhaustion all of you mention, short-changed my friends and family who needed more of my time, and injured my body in ways I know I will regret more and more as the years go by.

I do not love the political realities of midwifery practice in this country. I never expected or desired to get rich doing this work. That's not a big goal for me. I knew I would never make a physician's salary (even the limited income some of you speak of settling for in exchange for a live-able lifestyle - the income a midwife accepts in exchange for that type of lifestyle is generally pathetic). I would, however, like to be able to work without the restrictions that challenge even the most basic midwifery practice. Inter-professional rivalries, unnecessarily restrictive state and federal regulations, hospital rules, insurance company freeze-outs (both malpractice and 3rd party compensation) - the list of barriers goes on and on. After 13 years of struggle with these political forces, I must admit I'm tiring. And I'd like to be able, after all these years of experience in a variety of academic and private settings, 1600 births, and numerous professional achievements, to find a full-scope midwifery job with reasonable hours that will support my family in the community where I've made my home for nearly 30 years. Right now, that doesn't seem to be possible.

So, would I do it again? Yes. In a heartbeat. It was good for me as a human being, and I've been able to make a real difference in the lives of thousands of women, their babies, and their families. But there has been real cost and real pain to this decision. I'm not finished with this work yet, and it's not finished with me. I continue to try to find ways to do the work without sacrificing more than I am willing (or able) to give. Right now I'm working (in the office only) with a group of 3 MDs and 1 NP a couple of days a week, teaching nursing students 1 day/week, and will soon be going out on home visits for new mothers and babies as a visiting nurse. I had a temporary position doing deliveries at UCSF for a few months recently, and may go back to working with them again.

Meanwhile, I'm supplementing my income with a new business in collectibles and antiques and having lots of fun with it. Long ago, before I became a midwife, I had a shop. What goes around comes around. Check us out on eBay. Seller name - Milky*Way* - the asterisks are important. If you do a search by seller and type in that name you'll see the items we currently have up for sale. New items posted every Wednesday.

--
Cheri Van Hoover, CNM
San Francisco, CA




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