Fwd: winners
From: DoctorJoe@aol.com
Fri Jun 23 07:39:18 2000
In a message dated 6/22/00 7:47:40 PM, Sissypogon writes:
>< These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwar Lytton contest,
> > > > > wherein one writes only the first line of a novel. Held annually
> by
> > the
> > > > > English Department at San Jose University.
> > > > > ----------------------------------------------------
> > > > >
> > > > > ----------------------------------------------------
> > > > > 10) "As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever
> > > > > ----------------------------------------------------
> > > > > to break wind in the sound chamber he would never hear the
> > > > > end of it."
> > > > >
> > > > > 9) "Just beyond the Narrows the river widens."
> > > > >
> > > > > 8) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied,
> > > > > a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick
> > > > > brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black
> > > > > lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small
> > > > > straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description."
> > > > >
> > > > > 7) "Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind
> > > > > as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep...
> > > > > Andre creep."
> > > > >
> > > > > 6) "Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of
> > > > > narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley
> > > > > sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."
> > > > >
> > > > > 5) "Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not
> > > > > keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."
> > > > >
> > > > > 4) "Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but
> > > > > then penguins often do."
> > > > >
> > > > > 3) "Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage
> > > > > cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on
> > > > > the hotel floor."
> > > > >
> > > > > 2) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't
> > > > > know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh
> > > > > in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short,
> > > > > a moron with suicidal tendencies.
> > > > >
> > > > > AND THE WINNER IS...
> > > > >
> > > > > 1) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness,
> > > > > crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed
> > > > > through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess,
> > > > > hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at
> > > > > the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving
> > > > > the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly,
> > > > > "You lied!" >>
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