FRI: thought you guys would like this
From: DoctorJoe@aol.com
Sun Feb 27 22:43:11 2000
All pregnancy related, for the most part:
> > Pregnancy Q&A
> >
> > The Answer Man (Woman) Tackles Pregnancy:
> >
> > Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
> > A: No, 35 children is enough.
> > Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
> > A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
> > Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or
> > the flu?
> > A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
> >
> > Q: Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even
> > my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller
> > during pregnancy?
> > A: Yes, your bladder.
> > Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
> > A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
> >
> > Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's
> > sex?
> > A: Childbirth.
> >
> > Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile
> > at me. Why?
> > A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.
> >
> > Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that
> > sometimes she's borderline irrational.
> > A: So what's your question?
> >
> > Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant
> > woman and a model?
> > A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's
> > good for him.
> >
> > Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
> > A: Whatever she says divided by two.
> >
> > Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel
> > during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
> > A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an
> > air current.
> > Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
> > A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
> >
> > Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room
> > while my wife is in labor?
> > A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
> >
> > Q: What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
> > A: It means you feel as though not only a crown but the
> > entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.
> >
> > Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from
> > childbirth?
> > A: Yes, pregnancy.
> >
> > Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
> > A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
> >
> > Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
> > A: In your breasts.
> >
> > Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
> > A: Yes, baby lips.
> >
> > Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
> > A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her
> > plans to nurse.
> >
> > Q: How does one sanitize nipples?
> > A: Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them
> > in a saucepan.
> >
> > Q: What are the terrible twos?
> > A: Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.
> >
> > Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
> > A: When you see teeth marks.
> > Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
> > A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
> > Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to
> > feel and act normal again?
> > A: When the kids are in college.
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