WOMENS-HEALTH Messages for October, 1997: JOKE ; )

JOKE ; )

From: AnnMarie (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Tue, 7 Oct 1997 10:36:02 +0000

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ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED --------------------------------------------------------------------- REMOVING CLOTHES: --------------------------------------------------------------------- With partner's consent 12 --------------------------------------------------------------------- Without partner's consent 187

UNHOOKING BRA: Using two calm hands 7 Using one trembling hand 36

Lifting partner 15 Dragging partner on floor 16 Using skateboard 3

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS: For normal healthy man 2.5 Losing erection 14 Searching for it 115

PUTTING ON CONDOM: With erection 1.5 Without erection 300

INSERTING DIAPHRAGM: If the woman who dies it is Experienced 6 Inexperienced 73 If a man does it 680 Add (5) calories for retrieving it from across the room

ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY: Italian- Man on top, woman in kitchen 26 Russian- Woman on bottom, Man getting permission 55 American- Both on top 60

SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE: Bouncing 7 Sliding around 9 Serious skidding 12 Whiplash 27

ORGASM: Real 27 Faked 160

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE: Shoes flew off 35 Expression didn't change 1/2 Orchestra swelled 6 Birds sang Large birds 7 Small birds 3 Earth moved 30

PULLING OUT: After orgasm 1/2 A few moments before orgasm 500

PENIS ENVY: For Woman 3 For Man 72

GUILT: Despite no formal training, orgasm comes easily 53 You're enjoying sex, despite the fact that other people are starving 2 Sex on your lunch hour 3 Putting it on expense account 20

AGGRAVATION: Partner keeps showing plants 5 Partner insists on cuddling the dog during foreplay 14 Partner visiting bathroom for 7th time 10 Partner taking phone calls 7 Partner making phone calls 40

GETTING CAUGHT: By partner's spouse 60 By your spouse 100 Trying to explain 55 Trying to remain calm 100 Leaping out of bed 75 Getting dressed in one motion 500 Thanking partner quickly 2

Next message: Tammi: "Help - concerned"
Previous message: Valarie: "Sorry.."

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