WOMENS-HEALTH Messages for August, 1997: Parent's Dictionary

Parent's Dictionary

From: AnnMarie (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed, 6 Aug 1997 14:03:19 +0000

---Hope I haven't posted this one yet!

A Parent's Dictionary

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again

BOTTLE FEEDING: Opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside

DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order desert

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you are mad at him

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: When it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

OW: The first word spoken by a child with older siblings.

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOWOFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

STOREROOM: The distance required between supermarket aisles so children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset your children

THUNDERSTORM: A chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies

TWO MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises

VERBAL: Able to whine in words

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house

WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge"

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