OT to Jodi re: Husband was Re: insensitive friend question (sort of long and involved!)
From: AdoptASAP (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Thu, 31 May 2001 10:16:52 -0500 (CDT)
Re: significant other
ME TOO! I was my husbands first girlfriend. First kiss, etc. He has
NOTHING to compare me too. He works in a place with mostly women too so
he knows Im not the only one dealing with hairs. They all treat him
like a 'girlfriend' Its quite funny. I know them all too because my mom
works with him and them. They are all people I grew up with or have
come to know by hubby and mom. One woman plucked at work, saved it in a
napkin then showed my husband. LOL. He is like a man in an all girl
family, nothing bothers him anymore about women issues. He is so
desensatized it aint even funny
At Thu, 31 May 2001, jodi wrote:
>
>Ooooh... I have had this happen so many times!!! I know this guy who
>thinks the perfect woman is
>anorexic and hairless. I mean, body-hair-less... It's very eay to set
>up your own bboard at my school
>and a friend of mine set up her own, and for some reason topics of
>weight and leg shaving come up a
>lot... More in a liberated woman sort of way than a PCOS way... And
>this guy would always say things like,
>Fat people just have no self control... and Any woman with facial hair
>shouldn't go out in public... stuff like
>that. I said to him, if fat people have no self control and they are
>fat JUST because they overeat, how do
>you explain people who no diet works for, but give them an insulin
>sensitizing agent, and presto, they lose weight?
>He had no answer.
>
>Whenever I hear people critisizing women for facial hair or whatever, I
>say "You know, she didn't CHOOSE to be
>that way. Women with facial hair have serious underlying medical
>problems, and there's really not much they
>can do to address it from a cosmetic standpoint. A lot of things just
>make it worse."
>
>As for those creams he mentioned... you should have said to him, "And
>do you know how much those cost?
>Maybe she can't afford them. It's not like insurance will poay for
>them, even though they will pay for medications
>to give a man a hard-on!" Or you might say, "You know, it's really
>embarrassing for a woman to have facial
>hair. Maybe she's too embarassed to seek help, and doesn't know that
>anything can be done about it."
>
>I don't know if such things really help any, but that's usually my type
>of response. As for whether or not he was
>hinting at you... ehhhh, i can't say. If someone says something like
>this around me, I will sometimes say, "You know,
>a lot of women have facial hair to deal with. I have a few chin hairs
>that I need to pluck. Some women have more. No
>one choses to be that way, but what can you do? I'm sure you've got some
>flaws of your own." Most people don't even realize I have a facial hair
>problem. I keep up with plucking as best as I can, and the growth is
>mainly UNDER my chin so unless I am looking up, in broad sunlight,
>most people can't tell by looks, only by feel. Hell, even my boyfriend
>said when I brought it up, "I didn't realise you
>had an unusal amount of facial hair for a woman. You can't tell by
>look, just by touchl!"
>
>What a charming boy. :-) Lucky me that I'm his first serious (ie,
>intimate) girlfriend, so he doesn't really have any
>serious hands-on experience with other girls to compare me to... I feel
>like I can get away with having more flaws than avergae!
>
>- Jodi
>
>At Thu, 31 May 2001, Alicia wrote:
>>
>>This is more of a personal situation semi-related to PCOS, but I am
>>looking for opinions on how to handle it.
>>
>>I have a male friend with whom I talk quite a bit. (He used to like me,
>>but I decided we were better as friends.) He does not know about PCOS
>>and I don't think he needs to know. He's just a friend after all. Well,
>>the other day we were sitting and drinking coffee at Starbucks and he
>>brings up this woman he saw with a full beard. He said he always sees
>>her when he's leaving work and she looks at him with a crazy expression.
>>He goes on and on about how there are creams and things to help with
>>that. And that, definitively, women should not have beards. He almost
>>sounded offended by her existence.
>>
>>My response was to smile and say, "Oh, really?"
>>
>>My own paranoia and experience has caused me to examine this
>>conversation in several ways.
>>
>>One, was he telling me this to try and tell ME something, as in, "I
>>notice something on your face, too. So what's up with that?" (It could
>>be spiteful, seing as I turned him down as a romantic interest last
>>year.)
>>
>>Or is he just a misinformed and insensitive man (who is far from a
>>perfect specimen himself) voicing his opinion about women (as some men
>>feel they are entitled to do)?
>>
>>And how should I have handled this? I could have launched in to a story
>>about PCOS, and how it's a common and "legitimate" reason for a woman to
>>have a beard. (But I didn't want him to start staring at my chin and
>>asking me if I have it.)
>>
>>Any opinions? I am slightly annoyed by his comments and next time he
>>says anything like that I want to be prepared. I guess I am offended
>>that HE seemed so offended by this woman's face!
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