|
Re: Are you over 200 lbs? OH YEAH. (This response to your post is
From: A (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sat, 29 Apr 2000 01:20:46 -0400
Ladies,
It's so nice to hear that you have such incredible support from your
husbands/boyfriends....gives me hope that maybe someday, I'll find the "one."
Thanks!!
Alexis
Margo Ragan wrote:
> Clara - I can totally relate to your situation and agree with you 100%.
>
> I used to be a size 6 and actually did some modeling. I was in a beauty
> contest and won and was sent overseas to compete. Now I am so fat, I
> can hardly believe that used to be me - it is so upsetting. There are
> functions that I have skipped such as my high school reunion and some
> sorority alumni get togethers because I am so embarassed about the way I
> look that I don't want those people to see me and say things like WOW
> she really let herself go etc etc. I don't want anyone to laugh at me.
> (I know that sounds stupid). I have a friend who has a band that plays
> local clubs and I don't go to those either - even though I love dancing
> and listening to music. A former psycho room mate who made fun of me
> mercilessly especially regarding weight likes to go sometimes, and I am
> sure Murphy's Law being what it is, that she will come to the gig that I
> get the guts to go to and I really don't want to be made fun of again.
> (whew it feels good getting that thuth out instead of telling my friends
> I don't feel well or am too busy). This old room mate would say things
> like "you are so fat no man would ever consider looking at you and you
> are positively disgusting to look at, you are such a blimp you are a
> gross, fat disgusting pig" - nice huh? Needless to say I REALLY don't
> want to run into her anywhere.
>
> You know, I still have some of those "skinny" photos lying around and
> every time I look at them they make me depressed. I have heard people
> say "that is you?!" so many times it isn't even funny and each time
> hurts just the same. My cousin in his eagerness to "help" me has taken
> to monitoring everything I eat at family gatherings or when we go out to
> dinner. He'll say stuff like "you're going to have a salad and grilled
> chicken right?" or "you shouldn't have dessert Margo". I want to punch
> him! I am so self conscious that I don't even want to eat around him at
> all.
>
> My fiance who knew me when I was smaller has NEVER said a word to me
> about the weight issue. He has been very supportive which makes it
> easier to bear. But explaining that PCOS is a very REAL and TREATABLE
> condition rather than someone's lack of willpower and exercise to others
> is difficult.
>
> Clara your husband sounds like a wonderful man. Your outlook and sense
> of humor on PCOS has helped me tremendously and I just want to thank you
> and all the other women here for making me feel that I am not crazy and
> not alone in this.
>
> At Fri, 28 Apr 2000, Avalos, wrote:
> >
> >Hi...
> >
> >I'm 32 years old and weigh about 200 lbs. I'm also 5'2" when I stretch
> >really well.. so you can probably imagine what 200 lbs looks like on someone
> >of my stature! Unlike you, I have not always been this way, in fact, I've
> >only been like this for a few years... Yet the weight has completely turned
> >my life upside down. My pain is acute, but it is a little different from
> >yours. And I also have found a measure of comfort in this situation, a
> >silver lining, if you will....Still, I'm with you, sharing your feelings and
> >your thoughts and the hurt and frustration; I've become my own
> >mini-counselor, pep-talker, motivational guru...it gets me through life in
> >one piece (albeit a bigger one than I wish I were).
> >
> >You see, I also fantasize about being a woman who is admired for her looks
> >and not her brains... I can fantasize quite well about it because I used to
> >be one of those women before PCOS kicked into full throttle in my system!
> >In fact, I was so admired for my looks that back then (not too long ago)
> >hardly any men even considered the fact that I might have a brain under my
> >head, behind that pretty face and above that stacked bombshell body... And I
> >recall so many days and nights of fantasizing about being a woman who was
> >admired for her brains and her abilities and not for her sex-appeal. They
> >say be careful what you wish for..... << grin >>
> >
> >Now that PCOS has invaded my life, I am an oompa-loompa. I am robust. I am
> >round. I am heavy. I am fat. I am overweight. I struggle to get up off
> >of the couch, can't see beyond my stomach, can't really wrap my arms around
> >myself, have to lift my breasts into my bra-cups, strain to button any
> >article of clothing with a side-closure (I hate certain clothing designers
> >for this), and forget tying my darn shoes in public... my breasts are so big
> >that they get in the way when I eat.. they put so much distance between me &
> >the table that I always inevitably end up spilling on my front & making a
> >fool of myself. I don't wear make-up too often anymore, what's the use? I
> >don't spend time on myself the way I used to, who cares since now I am fat &
> >ugly, right? I would feel like a clown if I did put lipstick on.. who am I
> >trying to kid? lipstick will not make me attractive... losing 80 lbs will
> >help, but not lipstick! So cabinets full of the stuff sit unused in my
> >house. I am too heavy to do aerobics, my feet and knees hurt when I try...
> >I dread walking because people stare, and I can't find anything comfortable
> >enough to walk and sweat in and not look like a warped melon-in-spandex.
> >Lane Bryant and other designers for BIG women forget that some of us are
> >midgets, too. I have tiny little hands and tiny little feet and they are
> >the only two parts of me that have not gotten FAT. My NOSE has gained
> >weight, for crying out loud. My EARS are plumper... This is INSANE!!!!!
> >Some days, I feel too fat to get out of bed. I feel too fat to get ready
> >for work, I feel too fat to breathe, it seems. People look at me when I
> >eat, and I KNOW what they are thinking, I can see it in their eyes, and it
> >drives me NUTS! (no, I am not psychotic, just tired of it all) And to top
> >it all off, sex, while it is wonderful with my husband, is nowhere near as
> >fun as it used to be, oh, say, eighty pounds ago.
> >
> >Last Saturday my sister-in-law had a birthday... we went to their house to
> >celebrate & some dim-wit at the party had the brilliant idea of suggesting
> >that we all go out dancing to a hot Latin club in D.C. ... despite my
> >protests, we were roped into going Interestingly enough, my husband and I
> >used to go there a lot when we were dating several years back. Bad move.
> >Fat people just don't go to places like that. really bad move. I went home
> >tired, dejected, mad, annoyed, and more frustrated than ever. I was
> >fantasizing that night about the way it used to be, and trying to understand
> >how it got to this point. I have been on so many diets that my head spins
> >from the thought of them, I have taken phentermine and zoloft to lose
> >weight, I have worked out, I have stretched my stubby little self and tried
> >to move and twist and jump and walk and sweat to the music, thinking BURN
> >THOSE FAT CELLS BABY! pft. nothing. nada. nyet. no results. I am
> >fatter than ever. If my husband, ever dares to invite me to take a walk
> >with him, most nights I look at him, circles under my eyes and above my
> >round potato face, and I exhale... I am sooooooooooo tired at the end of the
> >day...... so tired that I am too tired to wake up the next day, it seems!
> >how on earth can he think that I can get myself into walking mode when all I
> >feel is the need to sleep.....? Bless him, he is only thinking of me, and
> >trying to be supportive. So I umph and grunt and haul my carcass up and
> >into my tennies and off we go, the modern day version of Jack Sprat and his
> >generously proportioned wife.... not that the walking briskly has helped me
> >much... the neighbors stare, I am still fat. (then again, if he went without
> >me, I just might kill myself from the shame and disgust... been there, too).
> >But my husband's presence has eased the hurt a bit, and to tell the truth, I
> >do sleep better afterward he drags me out on a walk, whether from the
> >physical exertion, or the protective feel of my husband's love, I am not
> >sure. Last Saturday, after we got home from that pulsating dance club, and
> >as I lay there and fantasized, my husband snuggled up to me and held me
> >close... I asked him if he is happy with me, and he knew what I was getting
> >at. He told me that he has never been happier and that he would not change
> >one thing about life and about us. I slept really well that night. I am
> >blessed, I realize, regardless of the fatness.... There is more to me than
> >fat, and there must be a God, because I have a wonderful husband who
> >realizes this, I have friends who realize this, and they love me, too.
> >
> >I'm an attorney by profession, and I work as a commercial contract
> >negotiator. My job is "cool" because I can do it from anywhere on the
> >planet, as long as I have a computer, fax & phone. I never see the people
> >who work with me on a daily basis, they are spread out all over the U.S.
> >... but they talk to me in a way that is different from the way people who
> >SEE me will talk to me... In my case, I am lucky, because physical
> >impressions do not interfere with the way people treat me in my job.
> >Perhaps that is one reason that I love my job so much and have such a hard
> >time leaving at the end of each day! Perhaps that is why I throw all my
> >energy into my job to the point that I am wiped out every night.... I am a
> >Negotiator at work, and I get folks to agree to terms and conditions, and I
> >make them laugh while I do it... so my brains and personality are the only
> >thing I have going for me; I can not influence with a look or a gesture, I
> >have to influence and make impressions with the inner ME; I lose my body and
> >become just a voice and I work the parties into a deal without the benefit
> >of looking anyone in the eye... I guess I could say that I "look them in the
> >ears". And those people that I work with who can't see me... well, I kind
> >of like it that way, since they talk to me like they think I am "IT, they
> >joke with me the way they would joke with a svelte, attractive, smart,
> >professional woman; I am under no illusion that, if they could see me, they
> >would never even give me a second thought, professionally, or otherwise....
> >I kind of wish that all parts of my life were like my work... blind to my
> >appearance. For now, I've got my husband and my job, and they help a heck
> >of a lot.
> >
> >I kind of snicker when my sister calls, every so often, to tell me that an
> >old flame of mine, and a good friend, called to ask about me.. again. He
> >always tells her that I am his fantasy, the "one that got away" (long
> >story), and we laugh over it. To tell the truth, he is my fantasy, too,
> >though I would not trade my husband in for him in a minute... Anyway,
> >sometimes my sister tells me how gorgeous I could be if I just lost
> >weight... ha ha ha ha ha ha... she doesn't have PCOS, she has no clue, she's
> >a size zero, she thinks soy milk, jogging and yoga are it! Sometimes, after
> >we hang up, I cry. If my ex could see me now, he would run so fast he'd
> >probably go into orbit! Then I feel better almost instantly... you see, I
> >am married to a man who did not run when I turned into the modern-day
> >oompa-loompa right before his very eyes. I've come to realize that most
> >folks out there are not too deep, and really don't want to know others
> >well... Too many friendships and relationships out there are based on
> >physical appearance, and many of those relationships evaporate when a person
> >(like me, for example) gets fat. As a couple, my husband and I have few
> >close friends... Those friends that we do have are special people... they
> >are more special because they love me for me, and not for my appearance, and
> >they respect my husband for his love for me, and his support of my trials
> >and tribulations.
> >
> >You say that you are tired of men talking to you about your cute friends....
> >I hear you loud and clear, sister. Couldn't agree with your feelings more,
> >it is annoying as hell to hear men talk to us about women that they are
> >interested in, when we know that the interest is based solely on looks....
> >I've even chastised one of my husband's brothers about doing that! (yeah, we
> >can get cranky, too). But step back and take a dose of reality: Since when
> >do our "cute" friends or sisters have better lives than we do just because
> >they look better in clothes and have men oogling after them? Come on,
> >girlfriend! How many of those men would you really want in your life
> >anyway? A FRACTION of those guys are worth the time they take up in womens'
> >lives, if that..... I dated men like that when I was "hot".... none of them
> >had enough brains to hold my attention back then, and none of them would
> >have stuck with me when I turned into a pumpkin.... My adorable size zero
> >sister is single and hates the fact that the men who try to talk to her are
> >all after her body and don't even listen to her when she talks...
> >
> >Yeah, I fantasize, but differently than you do. You know something, being
> >thin and attractive is not the be all and end all, and it does not make life
> >better. Sometimes, it makes life worse, because it attracts shallow,
> >selfish people to you, and those are not the kinds of people who will hang
> >tough with you when you are down and out. I revel in the fact that my
> >personality and brains are my greatest attractions!
> >
> >After all this, what am I trying to say to you? Love yourself, love WHO you
> >are, be proud of the fact that people like and respect you for your
> >personality and your brains... being liked for one's looks pales in
> >comparison! If nothing else, having to deal with these difficult aspects of
> >reality has made people like us more sensitive, more accepting, more
> >understanding and more compassionate... Be good to yourself, above all else.
> >
> >And... since you're a Cyster, too... go kick some serious butt and take care
> >of that PCOS! Life is too beautiful for us to let extra poundage keep us
> >from loving it!
> >
> >wordy and wiped out from the babbling,
> >
> >Clara...........
> >-----Original Message-----
> >From: rio@nettaxi.com [mailto:rio@nettaxi.com]
> >Sent: Friday, April 28, 2000 3:36 AM
> >To: Multiple recipients of list PCOS
> >Subject: Re: Are you over 200 lbs? OH YEAH.
> >
> >Hi everyone,
> >
> >Thought I'd dive in with my first message to the "over 200 lbs" thread.
> >I, too, am over 200... 280, to be exact. My frustration exists on so
> >many levels, it's painful.
> >
> >I got diagnosed officially 18 months ago, after a lifetime of derogatory
> >comments from doctors about my weight. I should point out, I haven't
> >been thin one day of my life. I've been on every diet in existence. 18
> >months ago, I finally met a wonderful GYN and Endocrinologist who know
> >PCOS well, and together they put me on a regimen of Metformin, Actos,
> >Spiro, Loestrin, and Bellergal for hot flashes. I lost 40 lbs. and my
> >triglycerides, which had been in the high 300's, dropped to a healthy
> >level. I'd begun low-carbing with Atkins first, then CAD--but when the
> >endo realized I was having too much gastrointestinal distress and a
> >large number of hypoglycemic attacks, he told me to get off the
> >low-carbing. But since that point, I seem to have gotten somewhat
> >immune to all medication, I gained back 20 lbs, and my exhaustion has
> >returned along with the menstrual irregularity.
> >
> >Socially speaking, it's been a lifelong nightmare. People respect me
> >for my brains but men shun me for my weight. I'm looking for the magic
> >switch so I can shut off my emotions, thus not being so depressed about
> >my "social leper" status. But I haven't found it, and so every time I
> >have to hear another man telling me how much "in love" he is with my
> >friend because she is sooo cute.... I get severely depressed and start
> >thinking about suicide.
> >
> >Is anyone else on this list fantasizing about being one of those women
> >who's admired for her looks, instead of her brains or personality? Or am
> >I the only one?
>
|
|
![[ PCOS Discussion Forums ]](../../images/pcos_at_obgyn.gif)