Re: Lawyers, lawyers, everywhere!!

From: Brian Hackman (brianhackman@easynet.co.uk)
Mon Aug 12 14:37:04 1996


>I wholeheartedly support tightening the credentialing process for
list

>membership, but it would be a grave injustice to limit admittance to

>"phsycians only". This list is an excellent forum for sharing
information

>with ALL who provide health care to women. I am physically isolated
in a

>small community and the opportunity to trade thoughts with a large
number

>of experienced care providers provides a great advantage for my
patients

>and probably affects the lives of many more women by disseminating

>information to all types of caregivers.

>

>Geoff Klein is to be congratulated on the superb creation he has
forged.

>

>Terri Rosenbaum, M.D.

>private practice

>Lihue, Hawaii

>

>"A true measure of one's character is the health of one's spouse."

This has my vote. And now to cheer you all up I send the bithplan of one of our midwives:

--
					Brian Hackman

<underline><fontfamily><param>Times</param>BIRTH PLAN FOR MRS. SUSAN XXXXXXX</fontfamily></underline><fontfamily><param>Times</param>

<bigger>Contact my friends at the Fitzwilliam (<italic>the local hunt</italic>) at the onset of labour to invite them along for support

At the onset of contractions |

(a) place 2 - 4 bottles of Moet & Chandon on ice and keep cool throughout labour. The champagne should not fall below the level of 2 bottles minimum. I shall need to sip this throughout my labour as will the obstetrician & my friends ;

(b) Contact the Consultant Anaesthetist who will administer my Epidural immediately - I must experience NO pain at all.

(c) I shall be bringing in my Take That CD's to play during this time and will need the necessary equipment to play these

(d) I must not be allowed to perspire

-

(e) The delivery room should be full of flowers to match my specially designed birthing outfit

(f) I should like pastel coloured bed linen which has been laundered in plenty of fabric conditioner

3. On no account do I wish for any of my bodily hair to be removed nor do I

wish that any part of my body be exposed other than is necessary towards

the end of labour. I shall be wearing a specially designed birthing outfit

4. I may decide to give birth in a warm birthing pool. If I do decide this at

the onset of my first contraction I shall need to be transferred to the

Thomas Cook Leisure Centre, together with the obstetrician and my

supporters and the ice cold Moet & Chandon. Arrangements for this eventuality

should be arranged in advance and staff are advised to bring their swimming

costumes

5. I <bold>shall need my make-up </bold>and Anais Anais applied every 30 minutes to

ensure I am in pristine condition to meet my unborn child.

6. I do <bold>not wish to hear the </bold>words "relax", "push", "bear down" or "nearly

there"at all during my labour. I just want the baby delivered as quickly and as

painlessly as possibly

7. I would like to order some smoked salmon sandwiches with a small green

salad if I am in labour during Lunch and a selection of canapes for my

supporters. I can only eat comfortably off fine bone china.

8. If my unborn child has red hair it should be discreetly swapped

with another (white skinned) child.

9. I don't wish to see any mess (i.e. blood placenta etc.) or to experience any

unpleasant odour.

</bigger></fontfamily>

Mr.Brian Hackman,

Butts House,

Church Road,

Glatton,

Cambridgeshire, PE17 5RR.

U.K.

Tel.(+)1487830645

Fax.(+)1487832949





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