Once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded
every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing
themselves from the gene pool.
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Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's
windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing
a hole in his gut.
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Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo , MI , was killed in March as he was
trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a
friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he
could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive
shaft".
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Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which
discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For whatever reason, residents of
Southern states always seem to figure prominently among the Darwin nominees.)
--
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto
skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to
his death A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the
Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has
conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter
Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun
newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man
association.
--
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent
several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction
before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal
toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and
was electrocuted.
--
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk , IN. A Jay
County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader,
was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parent's rural Dunkirk
home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber
muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to
look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
--
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga , Ontario ]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this
Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was
standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Darcy Honer
of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went over
the balcony," Honer said.
--
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a
tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy
Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston
Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning
to Des Arc after a frog catching trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The
two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned
out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22
calibre bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the
steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to
operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River
Bridge. After travelling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the
river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the
testicles.
The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree
Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require
extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which will never
operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and
released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls
off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first
for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened,"
said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how
many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck??? (Though
Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally
required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in
fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)
