Re: FRI: TQI

From: Dr Eberhard W Lisse (el@lisse.NA)
Fri Apr 22 00:16:43 2005


What version of God are you running at the moment?

___ 3.1 ___ 95 ___ 98 ___ 98 SE ___ XP ___ NT 4.0 ___ NT 5.0

In message <ce.6716f827.2f99aa8b@aol.com>, DMECNM@aol.com writes: >
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> ~~~God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire~~~
>
> In order to better serve your needs, God asks that you take a few moments to
>
> answer the following questions.
>
> How did you find out about God?
> ___ Bible
> ___ Torah
> ___ Book of Mormon
> ___ Koran
> ___ Television
> ___ Divine Inspiration
> ___ Word of mouth
> ___ Dead Sea scrolls
> ___ Near-death Experience
> ___ Near-life experience
> ___ National Public Radio
> ___ Burning Shrubbery
>
> Which God model did you acquire?
> ___ Yahweh
> ___ Jehovah
> ___ Allah
> ___ Just plain God
> ___ Krishna
> ___ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
> ___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
> ___ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
> ___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
>
> Please describe the problems you have encountered with your God.
> ___ Not eternal
> ___ Not omniscient
> ___ Not omnipotent
> ___ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
> ___ Permits sex outside of marriage
> ___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
> ___ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
> ___ Plays dice with the universe
>
> What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God?
> ___ Indoctrinated by parents
> ___ Needed a reason to live
> ___ Indoctrinated by society
> ___ Needed target for rage
> ___ Imaginary friend grew up
> ___ Hate to think for self
> ___ Fear of death
> ___ To piss off parents
> ___ Needed to feel morally superior
>
> Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God?
> __ Self-help books
> __ Tarot, Astrology
> __ Star Trek reruns
> __ Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
> __ EST
> __ Television
> __ Mantras
> __ Jimmy Swaggart
> __ Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)
>
> Have you ever worshipped a false God before? If so, which false God were you
>
> fooled by?
> ___ The Almighty Dollar
> ___ The Conservative Right
> ___ Ronald Reagan
> ___ Mushrooms
>
> God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles.
> Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following:
> (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):
>
> Natural Disaster: 1 2 3 4 5
> War: 1 2 3 4 5
> Miracles: 1 2 3 4 5
> Dubya: 1 2 3 4 5
>
> Thank you for your time.
>
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> <DIV>~~~God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire~~~<BR><BR>In order to
> better serve your needs, God asks that you take a few moments to answer the=2
> 0
> following questions.<BR><BR>How did you find out about God?<BR>___ Bible<BR>> ___
> Torah<BR>___ Book of Mormon<BR>___ Koran<BR>___ Television<BR>___ Divine
> Inspiration<BR>___ Word of mouth<BR>___ Dead Sea scrolls<BR>___ Near-death
> Experience<BR>___ Near-life experience<BR>___ National Public Radio<BR>___
> Burning Shrubbery<BR><BR>Which God model did you acquire?<BR>___ Yahweh<BR>_> __
> Jehovah<BR>___ Allah<BR>___ Just plain God<BR>___ Krishna<BR>___ Father, Son>
> & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)<BR>___ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)<BR>__> _
> Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)<BR>___ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother
> Nature<BR><BR>Please describe the problems you have encountered with your
> God.<BR>___ Not eternal<BR>___ Not omniscient<BR>___ Not omnipotent<BR>___
> Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe<BR>___ Permit> s
> sex outside of marriage<BR>___ Prohibits sex outside of marriage<BR>___ Make> s
> mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)<BR>___ Plays dice with the
> universe<BR><BR>What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a
> God?<BR>___ Indoctrinated by parents<BR>___ Needed a reason to live<BR>___
> Indoctrinated by society<BR>___ Needed target for rage<BR>___ Imaginary frie> nd
> grew up<BR>___ Hate to think for self<BR>___ Fear of death<BR>___ To piss of> f
> parents<BR>___ Needed to feel morally superior<BR><BR>Are you currently usin> g
> any other source of inspiration in addition to God?<BR>__ Self-help books<BR> >__
> Tarot, Astrology<BR>__ Star Trek reruns<BR>__ Sex, Drugs, and Rock &
> Roll<BR>__ EST<BR>__ Television<BR>__ Mantras<BR>__ Jimmy Swaggart<BR>__
> Crystals (not including Crystal Gayle)<BR><BR>Have you ever worshipped a fal> se
> God before? If so, which false God were you fooled by?<BR>___ The Almighty
> Dollar<BR>___ The Conservative Right<BR>___ Ronald Reagan<BR>___
> Mushrooms<BR><BR>God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters> and
> miracles.&nbsp; Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the
> following: </DIV>
> <DIV>(1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):<BR><BR>Natural Disaster:&nbsp; 1 2 3 4>
> 5<BR>War:&nbsp; 1 2 3 4 5<BR>Miracles: &nbsp;1 2 3 4 5<BR>Dubya:&nbsp; 1 2 3> 4
> 5</DIV>
> <DIV>&nbsp;</DIV>
> <DIV>Thank you for your time.<BR></DIV></FONT></BODY></HTML>
>
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