Re: Significant Others in exam room

From: Joanne Bulley, MD (islesannie@yahoo.com)
Mon Aug 11 20:24:07 2003

I agree absolutely.

It is one thing when there is an uncomfortable exam or precedure (especially in the infertility couple where the worst thing most men have to do is ejaculate into a cup!) - for the Sig O to sit up by her head and hold her hand.

It is another thing altogether when the guy (I've never seen this in a lesbian couple) wants to sit behind you and look over your shoulder.

The worst one I had - in addition to his being in the room etc and doing msot of the talking was when she had a miscarriage (pregnancy #3) and he insisted on sitting behind me and watch me pull the stuff out of the vagina. She then still needed a D&C and he said he'd divorce her if she didn't demand that he be let into the OR for the procedure. He was pretty darn aggressive. Luckily the gray-haired-male anesthesiologist walked into her room and said, "I am in charge and you can't come into my OR"! We all hoped the promised "papers" would be served - but he stayed married to her. And she to him. When they had baby #4 and I was lucky enough to be on for the delivery (she and I got along fine when he wasn't around) - I made a benign remark about he probably hoped for a boy (they had 3 girls). He aggressively said she could only have girls. When it WAS a boy - he later came to me and aplogized(!) and that he thought she and I "were in cahoots to be sure she only had girls".

Very controlling behavior on his part. Definitely abuse - perhaps not causing bruises - but the emotional kind is the hardest for the victim to acknowledge and get out of. The family of the victim usually agress with the abuser that the victim is making it up.

Joanne

At Mon, 11 Aug 2003, Anna Meenan, MD wrote: >
>I vaguely recall that we MIGHT have discussed this before, but if we
>have, it's been awhile. Do you-all (or y'all, for Dr. Joe) have a
>problem with significant others in the exam room during a pap smear? As
>time goes on, this is making me more and more uncomfortable, probably
>because I found out after the fact a couple of times that guys who
>insisted on staying in the room turned out to be abusers. I'm starting
>to wonder if there really is a legitimate reason for a guy to insist on
>staying in the room during his partner's pap, except that he doesn't
>want her to have any time alone with the doctor and is worried about
>what she might tell me. Personally, I can't imagine having my hubby in
>the room with me for that, and I'm sure he has no desire to be there
>either.
>
>--
> Anna Meenan, MD

--
Joanne Bulley, MD
Keene, NH, USA


-----
Work to create peace everywhere you go and with everything you do.
-----
Let us accept truth, even when it surprises us and alters our views.
-George Sand
-----
The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great
moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.
Dante



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