Re: Need advice on helping kids cope with mom's endo
From: anonymous@obgyn.net
Tue Nov 30 06:21:44 1999
Jessica,
You are so mature and beyond your years.We have a saying down here" Old head
on young shoulders" and you fit this to a tee.Your advice was very sensible
and
so moving.You are a credit to us all.
Best Wishes & Hugs,
Belle.
> Nancy, Hi my name is Jessica and speaking as an 18yr old daughter with
> really bad endo refratory to all treatments for 5 yrs. I think maybe I
> could offer some advice. My mom and I do not have a good relationship
> but I still worry about her all the time. My mom thinks she has had
> endo for a long time but she doesn't want to do anything about it, so we
> really don't know. I am her only child and she couldn't have anymore,
> plus she has all the symptoms but she's almost to menopause and her
> philosophy is to live with it. I started mensruating at 10 so I was
> always educated in this field. The worst mistake my mom made was making
> me feel very guilty that I didn't help her enough. As a college and
> high school student dealing with endo much worse than she ever felt, she
> expected me to do everything for her and she didn't even work. She only
> got bad pain for 2 days but said she couldn't do anything for weeks
> after. My mom is very strange but I think the most important thing to
> remember is to tell your kids not to worry about you and that you will
> be ok. I still worry about my mom constantly because of her marital
> problems with my father and it's not my problem. I worry about my
> parent's finances and somehow it ends up being my problem and sometimes
> all my fault. Unconditional love is very important and it is something
> my parents never gave me. Now as an independant 18yr old who pays for
> collge and medical expenses I realize that many times I was the parent
> and my parents were thae children. It is really hard to put past all
> the times they didn't support me and I hope maybe in the future we can
> rebuild a more healthy relationship but for now I need my distance from
> their insanity. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother and I know
> parenting is not easy. Tell your kids that you love them often and
> reassure them that they don't need to worry about you and you will be
> ok. Personally I assume way too much responsibility for my parents
> problems and actions. I hope I have been helpful and anytime you want
> to talk to someone who has a different perspective, just email me.
> :) Jessica
> At Mon, 29 Nov 1999, Nancy wrote:
>
> >
> >How can I help my kids cope with what endo does to me? I think this is
> >what I hate about endo most, that the kids see me suffer. When I had my
> >trip to the ER back in April, they were real troopers, but I know it
> >upset them. They did some very accelerated maturing during my post op
> >recovery. I have explained most of the gory details to them since they
> >are old enough to understand, but I just hate seeing the concern in
> >their eyes when I am hurting. Anybody been there and done that?
>
> --
>
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