ENDO Messages for July, 1999: [Fwd: tshirts & lawyers]

[Fwd: tshirts & lawyers]

From: Allan (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon Jul 26 14:20:12 1999

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Message-ID: <379CB691.4C5D@sympatico.ca> Date: Mon, 26 Jul 1999 15:27:13 -0400 From: Allan <anonymous@obgyn.net> Reply-To: anonymous@obgyn.net Organization: Bonnie Friends X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.01C-SYMPA (Win95; U) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Donna <anonymous@obgyn.net>, anonymous@obgyn.net, Vikki <victoria.nadalin@cancercare.on.ca>, weball88@hotmail.com, robert.rushworth@sympatico.ca, lrcraig@sympatico.ca, thumbs@execpc.com, stasweet2@aol.com, skordiak@allina.com, rtastv@home.com, Murray <mmacgreg@algomacas.org>, lmazzone@algomacas.org, Judy <armstrong@ssm.ca>, Carrie <jc.watson@sympatico.ca>, "Chantale, Joanne, Larry" <tarzan@vianet.on.ca>, beverly.amyotte@sympatico.ca Subject: tshirts & lawyers Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

T-SHIRTS FOR WOMEN WHO TAKE NO CRAP:

1. I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day. 2. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it. 3. Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later. 4. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time. 5. Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths? 6. I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time. 7. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win. 8. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP! 9. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. 10. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares? 11. I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them. 12. Next mood swing...6 minutes. 13. I hate everybody and you're next 14. Please don't make me kill you. 15. And your point is...? 16. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now. 17. All stressed out and no one to choke. 18. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people. 19. How can I miss you if you won't go away? 20. Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

-- ================= You Need A New Lawyer When...

1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."

3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

7. A prison guard is shaving your head.

8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

11. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

14. Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

15. The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."

16. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."

17. He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

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