Re: Harassed at work because of health
From: Kathy (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Tue Sep 30 09:07:30 2008
Wow, it is so nice and also disturbing to know that someone understands
exactly what I'm going thru. I hate that someone else has to feel how I
do, but it's kind of a relief that someone can relate. I don't hate my
job either, though my co-workers are making me hate it...if that makes
any sense. I want to talk to my HR department about working from home,
but I'm not sure what kind of backup I would need to prove that I "need"
it. The killer part is a girl in my dept who does the same job as me
got to work from home for 2 weeks when her child had heart surgery. Our
boss called us in to tell us, and she said that it was a "One time only
thing and would never happen again". Personally to me, I feel like how
can they turn me down when it's for my own medical health, but they can
let her do it? I feel so drained, so exhausted, and people seem to think
it's just me being lazy or that I need to "suck it up" or "push
through". They don't understand. My boyfriend doesn't get how bad it
is either. He was just telling me the other day about how he went to
work with a cold AND a broken thumb, so I should be able to go to work
if I'm just tired. I just don't know what to do.
I have an appointment set up to see a therapist, because like you, I
really feel sometimes like i want to die. The stress of worrying about
my health is enough, but then you add on the additional financial
burdens...like when I take a day off, not only do I not get paid, but I
have to pay a $40 copay to go see my dr or a $75 copay to go to the
ER....I can't afford this. I have to see a Rheumatologist for the FM,
but how can I afford that when I can barely afford to go to my OB, PCP
and now the therapist??
I wish people could truly understand how debilitating this all is. The
only way I can think to even describe it to people is to let them know
that one of Jack Kevorkian's "patients" had Endometriosis and another
had FM. I try to express to them that if it was bad enough when those
two people had those illnesses, imagine how much it must suck for
someone who has both. Then I get the inevitable question of "Are you
trying to tell me something?" Well no, I don't actually want to kill
myself but living the rest of my life feeling this way is a very
depressing thought. If I feel this way now, what's going to happen in
20, 30, 40 years when I get arthritis and all of that on top of this?
I am hoping to talk to my HR dept about working from home. I am going
to speak with a lawyer first, to know what I should provide. I am also
going to be seeing an Endo specialist of University of Michigan, whom
I'm hoping will be able to draft a statement or something medical-ish
that supports what I want to do. I'm also going to speak with my
therapist.
But people do act like I don't want to work. That's definitely not the
case. I just cannot go on like this. I have always been someone who
does not rely on others and does for myself. But I just don't know what
to do anymore. I feel like such a failure because of all of this.
You are definitely right...the fatigue is definitely one of the worst if
not THE worst part of all of it and that's the part that's hardest for
people to understand. I have a feeling my supervisor would do the same
thing yours did if I went to HR and was denied. I feel like I would be
called in and basically made to feel like I'm a "poor worker" or not a
"team player" if I request to work from home.
You are also right about people constantly suggesting hysterectomies.
They just dont get that there's no magical "cure" for endo or FM. Like
you, I also have endo on my bowel (which causes just the worst
symptoms).
I also want to eat healthier, but to be honest, after the days I miss
and don't get paid for and I pay bills and the copays I CAN afford to
pay (even with insurance, I sill have medical bills piling up because I
have a coinsurance as well). The problem is after paying all of that, I
can only afford to do my grocery shopping at the dollar store. Yeah,
the DOLLAR STORE.
I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of "Damned if I do, damned if I don't".
If I try to "push through" like people tell me, I always feel worse
because I know my body's limits. But if I take the rest time I know I
need, I'm viewed as lazy or a whiner or a big baby....I get so
frustrated. This board is literally the only support I feel like I
have. I feel like nobody else gets it. I have people in my life who
TRY, but you can tell when they don't get it.
Thank you so much for your response...it made me cry but also feel
better, if that makes any kind of sense.
If anyone else has any ideas about working from home or ANYTHING else
that would be a viable option, PLEASE post it.
HUGS back!!! :-)
At Mon, 29 Sep 2008, anonymous wrote:
>
>Kathy,
>
>I am actually having the same problem. However, I have hardly missed
>any time from work at all. I make numerous trips to the ER (I am really
>racking up bills that I just cannot pay) just so that I do not have to
>miss work & deal with the crap & the worry that I will be fired. This
>is really bad. I went to HR at my job a few days ago & then my boss
>called me in & basically started asking me why I could not finish my
>work. I missed an hour or so a few weeks ago to go to the pain doctor
>because the pain is just killing me. I then got an infection & had to
>go to the Urologist for that. He is following up with a Cystoscopy in
>approx 1 week. I then went to the doctor a few weeks ago & missed
>another hour or so for a pelvic infection that I had. I then missed
>more time to go to the Gastro doctor for appts & tests to see what was
>going on with my stomach (he could not find out what the problem was).
>It just seems like one thing after the other. And the FATIGUE is
>horrible. I sometimes get so bad that I am almost narcoleptic. I just
>fall asleep at the wheel, while sitting at my computer, while eating at
>home, etc.
>
>I do stay behind (& I have told them this numerous times) because I do
>have one of the hardest jobs (funny isn't it to have the hardest job &
>to be so sick. lol.). I also had to fill out FMLA because I gotten
>written up over missing too much time from work for doctor's
>appointments & such. I have not even had a vacation from work in over 3
>years (because all my PTO time is used for sick leave & doctor's appt.s
>& procedures, etc.). Now I am on my tippy toes at work. I was just
>crying today at work worrying that I am going to get fired.
>
>I am married but it takes both our incomes to pay bills & such (we are
>barely making ends meet right now). I am now 35 years old & also want
>to desperately have a child. I have had 2 surgeries for Endometriosis
>(& set up to have another one here soon), Fibromyalgia, (they think I
>might have possibly either Interstitial Cystitis or Endo in my
>bladder---I am having a Cystoscopy tomorrow to find out) & I have 4 bad
>discs in my back, along with quite a few other ailments.
>
>I want a child so bad & I just do not think anyone understands. I
>constantly have coworkers telling me to just get a hysterectomy (of
>course a hysterectomy is not going to get rid of all this---especially
>when they keep finding my Endo on my bladder, bowel, etc.). And why on
>earth would I get a hysterectomy when I want a child so bad. Then, if I
>get fired I will not have insurance to keep going to the doctor (& go to
>my coming up surgery) so that I can get better to be able to have a
>child. It is so horrible.
>
>Sometimes I hate even living. It seems so hard sometimes. I really
>think others just do not understand what we go through.
>
>I am SOOO worried about getting fired. I have been at my job now almost
>4 years & I really do not want to change jobs. I am just not like that.
>I like to stick with things. And, if I do try to get another job then I
>have to worry about pre-existing & not being covered for all these
>problems.
>
>Being a female just really sucks sometimes.
>
>What really gets me is the fact when I was younger (I had problems then
>but managed) I was able to work 7 days a week (even work overtime time &
>time again), work holidays, also go to college full time & not have a
>problem at all. I never missed a day of work.
>
>Now, I barely get out of bed each day to go to work. And, the funny
>thing is that I really like working. I really wish that I could work at
>home or go back to school & get a degree to get another job but I just
>can't afford it. My husband & I have not even been able to have a
>television, phone, cell phone or computer now for over a year. The
>medical bills (& I am trying to eat right---when we get groceries it
>cost so much for all the healthy nutritious food----I sometimes have to
>delay paying electric & mortgage just to eat good & I cannot keep doing
>this---it really does not help that much either) are horrible. Even
>though I have insurance I owe so many doctors SOOO much money that I
>cannot pay & it bothers me to have that hanging on my shoulders.
>
>I am just rambling here. I better go before I write a book. Please
>know that I REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I THINK I
>MIGHT REALLY NEED TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST OR SOMETHING BECAUSE THE STRESS
>IS ABOUT TO KILL ME.
>
>I cannot offer any advice because I am going through the same thing & do
>not know what to do either.
>
>Take care of yourself!!
>Lots of hugs!!!
>
>At Fri, 26 Sep 2008, anonymous wrote:
>>
>>I would file a complaint with the EEOC equal employment opportunity
>>center? I think is what it stands for. I think the web address is
>>http://www.eeoc.gov Your boss has no right to pressure you into making rash
>>decisions about your health or to "threaten" you regarding your health.
>>Deffinately contact the EEOC and see if they can help you. Many people
>>have sued their employers for this very same issue and won. They can
>>not descriminate against you because you have health issues. Im not
>>sure what type of work you do but if its customer service would you be
>>able to work from home for that company? I would go ahead and file for
>>social security disability as well especially with you having to miss
>>work because of your health. It can take years to get approved so go
>>ahead and apply now.
>>
>>As far as FMLA your only allowed 12 weeks of FMLA leave a year. So yes
>>it does run out. Unfortunately!
>>
>>Im sorry your having to deal with a crappy work environment. I would
>>also seek counseling to help you deal with everything. It will also
>>help with the eeoc case especially if work is causing you undue stress,
>>plus dealing with two very debilitating illnesses is hard on your
>>emotions as well! Many ((HUGS)) and I hope your able to either find a
>>new job or have a better work environment with the one your in now!
>>Niki
>>
>>At Fri, 26 Sep 2008, anonymous wrote:
>>>
>>>Just do the best that you can. If you can stay at work, it is
>>>definitely better. I was let go because of my illness and absence, and
>>>my FMLA ran out. I was part of a union and it did nothing for me. This
>>>disease really stinks. See if you can work from home perhaps run your
>>>own business? I wish I had more to offer you in way of suggestions.
>>>Please take care. I am going to get a hysterectomy myself - perhaps
>>>this is not such a bad suggestion?
>>>
>>>Wishing you pain free days.
>>>
>>>Mel
>>>At Fri, 26 Sep 2008, Kathy wrote:
>>>>
>>>>Hello all,
>>>>
>>>>I'm currently on an Intermittent FMLA leave from work. This was
>>>>originally due to my endo. I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago with
>>>>Fibromyalgia, which explained even more why I have been feeling so
>>>>miserable and like my entire body is breaking on me. On average, I miss
>>>>about a day a week of work due to pain from one or the other (sometimes
>>>>both). I try very hard to go in as I'm not married and living on my own
>>>>so if I don't pay my bills, I'll be living in a box on the corner, lol.
>>>>However, this week has been horrendous and I have missed 3 days because
>>>>of it. My problem is this. I feel like I'm being a little...harassed
>>>>at work because of this. I'm not sure if harassed is the right word,
>>>>but that's what it feels like. I'm a quiet person at work and I try to
>>>>always keep a smile on my face and be friendly to people. I think it's
>>>>for this reason that people doubt me or don't believe me. But I work in
>>>>customer service, so I basically HAVE to be that way. Every time I'm
>>>>out for more then a day at a time, my supervisor calls me in to her
>>>>office to "talk" about what I'm going to do "about my health". She
>>>>keeps telling me I need to "do something" but I keep explaining to her
>>>>that realistically, there's nothing that CAN be done...it's not like
>>>>they can just do something and I'm all fixed. Lately she's really been
>>>>talking about how I need to get a hysterectomy if they can't do
>>>>anything. I'm only 28 years old and I have no kids. I'm not sure if I
>>>>want kids (I always have, but have prepared myself in case I can't have
>>>>them). But I am definitely not ready to just cut everything out and say
>>>>"Oh well, guess no kids for me"...especially when a hysterectomy doesn't
>>>>always get rid of endo. She also doesn't understand the severity of my
>>>>Fibromyalgia and told me my docotr must be a "quack". She also keeps
>>>>telling me I need to "figure this out" because when my FMLA runs out, I
>>>>can't go on it again, which doesn't seem right to me. Also, the girls
>>>>at work are constantly making loud comments about how I won't be able to
>>>>have kids...this is usually after I've missed a day at work and they're
>>>>mad about it (I guess). Between my health and this other mess at work,
>>>>I am miserable. Does anyone have any suggestions? My HR department is
>>>>pointless and doesn't do anything to help anyone. Not to mention, my
>>>>supervisors a little "opinionated and loud", so I'm not really good at
>>>>approaching her. I would love to work from home so I can deal with
>>>>this, but most likely they'll come up with a reason I can't.
>>>>
>>>>Any suggestions??? PLEASE help...so miserable...
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