Re: Endo and romantic relationships: when do you tell him you have this disease?
From: Nikki (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed May 21 03:11:15 2008
Hi Kisha,
Y'know it's weird that you asked this b/c I was just thinking over the
same questions yesterday... Should I tell him? When's the right time?
Will he look at me differently? Will he stay or take off?
I've been with my boyfriend about a year now, but I was only diagnosed
with endo in March '08. I haven't really had time myself to accept that
I have endo, let alone sit him down for the big "endo talk." I've put it
off b/c honestly, my main fear is that he won't look at me the same
anymore.
He knows something is wrong b/c I had surgery, but he doesn't have the
full story. I can't hide it from him any longer, b/c we plan to get
married sometime in the next year, and I think he has the right to know
about my endo before he makes a commitment to me.
My friends told me to just not tell him. But, when we live together as
man & wife I think it's gonna be friggin' immpossible to hide it, as I
will most likely be curled up in a ball on the floor one week a month.
I've been thinking about how I'm going to tell him. I've even practiced
in the mirror, I'm so nervous. If I get even watery eyed he's gonna
freak out. He's never seen me cry. And keeping my emotions under
control is going to be hard with all of these hormones I'm taking.
I think the best time to tell a signifigant other is when you feel the
relationship is getting serious. If I had found out a year ago that I
had endo, I probably would have waited until this exact time to tell
him. Before two people get engaged I think all the ugly and not so
pretty truths from the past should be brought out into the open. But
this is just my opinion. You should tell him whenever you feel is the
right time. Only you can decide when your ready.
Whoa, I think I wrote a sequel to your book! Sheesh. Sorry about that.
Good luck with everything.
--
Nikki
And BTW, when I read about other women with such caring husbands, I also
feel a longing for that kind of relationship too. I want someone who
will hold my hand, and be there. I hope my boyfriend will eventually be
that kind husband for me.
... if not, then I guess I could always settle for Orlando Bloom :) oh,
yeah
Take care.
At Tue, 20 May 2008, Kisha wrote:
>
>Hello all,
>
>I hope everyone is having a (relatively) pain-free day! Anyhow, I am
>struggling with the whole idea of when I should tell someone I have
>endo. I was in a 2 year relationship that ended 6 months ago largely
>because my ex just wasn't supportive of me with my health issues. At
>first he was, but I guess it eventually became too much for him.
>
>It's extremely painful (emotionally) to be in a situation where you feel
>like someone loves you, until they see the full throes of what this
>illness can do to you - - and just like that they are not in love
>anymore. People will often say to me, 'you're pretty, smart, funny,
>etc...why are you still single?' (I'm 34, never married, no kids). But
>a truly supportive partner is oh-so-hard to find!!! When I read the
>messages here, and I read posts from women who have husbands or
>boyfriends that literally rub your feet, are patient with you through
>your pain, or do the cooking & cleaning when you can't...I sometimes cry
>my eyes out, I really do. Because I would give ANYTHING to have that
>kind of support in my life. I know I have a lot to offer a potential
>partner--I don't define myself by my illness. I define myself as a
>wonderful woman who "happens" to have this disease called endo - - and
>lives life as fully as possible in spite of it! And I won't settle for
>any less than a man who defines me the same way I define myself.
>
>But I digress...the question I have is, when's the right time to
>disclose this illness to someone? I took some time for myself after my
>breakup...but about a month ago I met someone that I really like. We
>have nice conversations and I feel very at ease around him...but I
>haven't shared with him that I have endo. I'm wondering when I should
>do that?
>
>On the one hand, I realize that sharing the endo info too soon can scare
>a guy away. On the other hand, I know firsthand how it hurts like hell
>when you fall in love with someone totally and then he bails when you
>tell him a few months in. I really don't know what to do...and because
>endo is so unpredictable, I would appreciate hearing from some of
>you...'cause I am SO at a loss on what to do here...I basically feel
>like, if this guy knows right now that he wouldn't want to deal with
>someone with an illness - - I'd rather know that now before I go and
>invest myself emotionally.
>
>(I apologize for writing a little book here...but this has been weighing
>on me the past few days...)
--
"Shopping is my cardio," Carrie Bradshaw
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