ENDO Messages for September, 2007: Endo and emotional wellbeing

Endo and emotional wellbeing

From: amanda (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Thu Sep 20 18:54:11 2007

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I have read postings on this forum on and off over the last 4 years, but this is the first time I have actually posted!

A short as possible summary of my situation - 32yrs, trying for a baby, tried for a couple of yrs at 26 with no luck. I have suffered endo pretty much since I first started my periods at 11yrs of age - so 21yrs. However was only diagnosed 4 yrs ago, 1 week after emigrating to Australia (born in UK). I was diagnosed with stage IV endo, and had two laps within the first six months of being in Aus. It was very severe, everywhere, and a couple of 10cm cysts were removed along with lots of adhesions and other smaller growths. Anyway, fast forward 3 1/2 yrs after my last op, the symptoms are getting steadily worse and have been for the last 1 1/2 yrs. Trying to get pregnant, so came off the pill (and antidepressants for major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder) about 9 mths ago. Obviously, symptoms have gradually got worse since then, but managing to keep depression at bay (just about!). Have been scheduled for another op in 3 mths time by the gynae. Also suffered the severe depression for the last 2 1/2 yrs following bullying in the workplace (both me and a peer ended up leaving due to management inaction), was out of action for over a year and took a while to find another job (have been in new job 10 mths).

Now, I am probably writing a post because I am feeling pretty stressed out with trying to hold down a full time, fairly new job, large mortgage (with husband) and generally live a "normal" life. V frustating as I am pretty much out of action for 3/4 days a month at least, which means alot of missed time from work, so having to use all my own annual leave as have run out of sick leave. Unfortunately, in Australia you get 12 days sick a yr, whereas in the UK we were spoilt with being able to take 6 months sick with full pay. So of course you have the stress of losing pay (just lost half my pay this month which hurts), having to worry about covering the bills and mortgage on top of the pain and frustration of endo. And I guess with our family all in the UK we don't have the support network around us, so can get emotionally draining for both of us.

Does anyone have similar experience and advise on coping with the emotional side? I just feel the depression creeping back again, and do not want to go back on meds. And it is such a strain on our marriage sometimes (been together 13 yrs), I feel so guilty for the effect my mental/physical health has on my husband, who is sooo supportive. But sometimes he just can't understand, and tells me to use mind over matter, which I do with success sometimes, but mind over matter does not get rid of the pain.

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