Re: Am I going crazy?
From: melinda (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri Aug 4 12:32:54 2006
Elisa,
Thanks for the response. I've never heard of dissection. What is that?
I didn't know there were other options other than the lap to help this.
I love my doctor and she's been wonderful. I went through several
doctors and they all treated me like I was imagining things. She was
the fourth doctor I went to and I told her what was going on and she
immediately suspected endo. She's been wonderful in helping me figure
this out, but she doesn't specialize in this type of thing. I guess I
need to see if there are any doctors out there that specifically
specialize in this issue to see what all of my options are.
And yeah, the relationship thing does kind of get me down at times. I
don't blame men. They'll never understand it. I do have someone in my
life right now that totally adores me and knows everything about it and
has even researched it himself to understand a little better and says he
doesn't care if I can have kids or not, he says "we'll adopt", etc.,
etc., but he's 8 years younger than me and I don't think he's really
understanding the magnitude of what that means. I keep him at bay for
that very reason. I can't commit to him. My first husband said he
"understood" before we got married, but it ended horribly, and all
because of this. The relationships are only a small part of my dealing
with this though. I actually push people away and hole up and avoid
people because I'm afraid I'm going to have an emotional outburst and
say hurtful things. I'm losing control of it. And I'm not one to say
"I've got endometriosis" you should understand. Nobody really cares
about it. And whining constantly about the pain. I know people don't
want to hear that or deal with that. It's easier to just hole up. I've
even lost interest in my job. I can't focus, I can't concentrate, I
miss at least 2 days a month when the cycle hits because I can't
function. Thank God my boss understands, but evenso, I've lost all
interest in most things I love in life.
I hate this thing. I just hate it.
PS. Thanks for the support and your kind words at the end of your
message. It has let a huge weight off my shoulders just to know I can
talk about it and people are not saying "endo-what?" "Oh, Melinda's just
having another one of her fits." etc. etc.
Thank you,
Melinda
At Fri, 4 Aug 2006, anonymous@obgyn.net wrote:
>
>Hi Melinda~
>
>No..your not going crazy. I am sorry to hear it is wreaking havoc
>again, however; I am not surprised. With or without cycles it can come
>back. It seems to be at it's worse with those having monthly cycles. I
>am on the Hyster side of the issue and it's back but in a whole new
>manner of ways and pain than those with my monthly cycles.
>
>I have a preference of not getting laps (which is just me) because I
>have never had more than 6 months of pain free and bam it's back. I
>have learned that dissection works best for me. I actually had almost 8
>years pain free with a good dissection after a hysterectomy. I didn't
>do HRT because it didn't agree with my system and it was a catch 22 for
>me. (again just me) :)
>
>I had to tell myself a long time ago these surgeries are pretty much a
>maint. type of program. It does come back and there is not a cure. I
>hate spending money for surgeries that I am not getting the most for my
>money. Now, there are woman who have had better success than some due
>to their stages of this disease and the quality of care that they
>receive which makes all the difference in the world.
>
>Ceasing cycles in some form is the first step to controlling this
>monster from spinning out of control. Even something as simple as
>consecutive B-Control pills to get it to rest until you decide to try to
>have children again someday. I have read so much latley from woman who
>had their tubes tied and they are having big bouts with this disease.
>Sweetie..you not using endo as an excuse...it's an invader taking
>control with a mind of it's own. Managing it is the best you can do.
>For sure see your doctor again (who hopefully specializes with this
>disease to minimize the rat race effect) Dating can be very hard with
>this disease as everyone wants to get up and go and your body and brain
>are not working at the same time. When I was single I just went at my
>own pace and had to learn to tell the truth without all the complexities
>until we were getting closer. At that time they have the option to try
>to sustain a somewhat normal relationship or have the freedom to move
>on. It's sad and hard I know. You need to take care of yourself
>first..it's not fair I know. I found my friend (husband) through a
>group of friends when I peeked out when I had a good day...and he has
>only known me as sick. I was divorced at 25 and didn't remarry (my
>friend ) until 35 just to make sure he could handle this. Even now with
>re-occurances he tries to help but he is frustrated too that this has no
>end. This is just the way it is.
>
>I am sorry about your last marriage..but we believe in you and if you
>can give another procedure a chance (but a different one than before)
>maybe it will be better than last time. You have to do something
>soon...it will keep feeding off your body and taking you down more and
>more and you don't want that financially if you are single and need to
>maintain a roof over your head and pay your bills.
>
>Big Hugs from Here!!!! I am here if you need me.
>
>Elisa...P.S.. We endo sisters will date you here on the site :) We
>accept you the way you are :)
>
>At Fri, 4 Aug 2006, melinda wrote:
>>
>>I was diagnosed with endo 10 years ago. I've had two laps done to
>>"clean up" and It's been three years since my last surgery. I feel I'm
>>due for another one because I'm starting to have symptoms again of
>>severe agitation and irritability and the pain is getting more constant
>>throughout a full cycle. I'm a bit scared to have the surgery again
>>because I got a post-op infection after the last one and ended up in the
>>hospital for a week in severe pain. I'm afraid the infection may have
>>really messed me up and caused scarring or something. I'm divorced and
>>partly because of problems that arose about me not being able to
>>conceive. My tubes are scarred from the endo and it doesn't seem likely
>>I'll be able to have kids. I'm at peace with that believe it or not,
>>but my ex wasn't at peace with it. I even find myself not getting
>>involved with men anymore because I when I say I can't have kids, they
>>leave skid marks. It's quite daunting, but I feel I need to be upfront
>>in the beginning about that. It's only fair to them. Regardless of
>>that, I'm just concerned about my mood swings and emotional outbursts
>>lately. It's embarassing and most of all confusing, because it's like I
>>don't have control anymore. I assume that this is a side effect of the
>>endo. Or is it just me? I'm not trying to use the endo as an excuse, I
>>just want to know if anyone else has these episodes. Once I get the
>>lapo, it seems to subside for a while and I feel okay and pretty happy
>>most of the time. I've tried everything. The pill, lupron, etc. You
>>name it, nothing helps. Could anyone give me some advice?
>>
>>Thank you,
>>Melinda
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