ENDO Messages for June, 2006: Re: ...at my witts end and don't know what to do

Re: ...at my witts end and don't know what to do

From: Alyson (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Thu Jun 22 09:26:25 2006

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In reply to: Alexis: "...at my witts end and don't know what to do"

Alexis, I am sharing this with the best of intentions. I posted on here sometime back with much the same feelings you've shared. Someone mentioned to me that perhaps I should seek therapy (she was seeing someone as well). It took me another several months before I could come to terms with the fact that maybe I really did need some help.

I think so many of us go through this pain for so long that it really brings us to what feels like a breaking point. I was crying every day, had taken to having a couple of margaritas every evening. Even worse, having those margaritas and my pain meds (Obviously not a good thing to do). I came home every day from work and went to bed. I couldn't understand why my boss insisted on having me haul field gear when she knew my situation. Didn't understand why my coworkers didn't get that I just could not physically go in the field. I didn't want pity, but more than anything I didn't want to have to be "the sick girl". Especially, as we all know, when I don't LOOK sick.

I've been seeing my therapist for a few months now. No, she hasn't *fixed* my pain. I do feel better though. She has really helped me get through my frustration about my doctors, my job, helped me recognize and start mourning the sense of loss, and gives me coping strategies. In some ways it has helped me with the pain. I've learned how to focus on other things, how to allow myself the rest time I need. She even taught me some breathing exercises to get through it. And I'm at least sleeping better for the most part. All I am sayng is that sometimes in dealing with this disease, we need all the help we can get. It doesn't just affect our physical health, it does a number on our mental health. If you feel comfortable pursuing it, talking to someone may be just the thing right now. Especially when you feel that you've exhausted your other options for now. Hang in there, Alyson

At Thu, 22 Jun 2006, Alexis wrote: >
>So I'm awake and in pain, again. My meds don't work, except for the
>really strong ones, but they knock me off my ass and make me sick to my
>stomach. I hate taking them. When I do I can't function as a normal
>person. Hell, I can't drive when I take them! Sorry for the cursing,
>it's just one of those days.
>
>I'm at the point where my pain is affecting my ability to do my job. I
>come home exhausted and nap every day after work for a minimum of 2
>hours. I'm in pain all day and managing an office is difficult when
>you're in pain. I've posted earlier this week that I can't even wear
>normal clothing because it hurts too much. I'm at the point where I
>don't know what to do. I can't function normally with this pain. I've
>done Lupron, BCP, surgery. I'm waiting the long process of having OHIP
>approve a surgery in the States (I'm Canadian and they don't seem to
>want to do excision surgeries up here...just the crap laser and
>cauterization that doesn't really cut out the endo, just the surface). I
>force myself to the gym twice a week where a personal trainer puts up me
>with me for one hour and helps me do whatever exercises my body can
>handle on that particular day. I've broken down on her because I hate
>the fact that I can't do what normal people can do. I hate the fact
>that my body won't let me take care of it. I hate the fact that I'm 26
>years old but have to do exercises designed for senior citizens. It
>brings me to tears.
>
>I hate the fact that I have to justify my pain! Why won't people
>understand what this disease does to us? WHY can't I get some credit for
>doing what I do with the pain that I have to live with? Why can't I get
>any help in this country? Why do I feel like doctors just pass me along
>to the next specialist without trying to help me themselves (gyne -> GI
>-> gyne -> GI)?
>
>What do you think I should do ladies? I can't quit my job but my
>benefits do include disability, short and long term? I don't want to be
>THAT person who can't work. I'm just so sick of this. I just don't
>know what to do any more.

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In reply to: Alexis: "...at my witts end and don't know what to do"

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