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...at my witts end and don't know what to doFrom: Alexis (anonymous@obgyn.net)Thu Jun 22 06:16:09 2006
So I'm awake and in pain, again. My meds don't work, except for the really strong ones, but they knock me off my ass and make me sick to my stomach. I hate taking them. When I do I can't function as a normal person. Hell, I can't drive when I take them! Sorry for the cursing, it's just one of those days. I'm at the point where my pain is affecting my ability to do my job. I come home exhausted and nap every day after work for a minimum of 2 hours. I'm in pain all day and managing an office is difficult when you're in pain. I've posted earlier this week that I can't even wear normal clothing because it hurts too much. I'm at the point where I don't know what to do. I can't function normally with this pain. I've done Lupron, BCP, surgery. I'm waiting the long process of having OHIP approve a surgery in the States (I'm Canadian and they don't seem to want to do excision surgeries up here...just the crap laser and cauterization that doesn't really cut out the endo, just the surface). I force myself to the gym twice a week where a personal trainer puts up me with me for one hour and helps me do whatever exercises my body can handle on that particular day. I've broken down on her because I hate the fact that I can't do what normal people can do. I hate the fact that my body won't let me take care of it. I hate the fact that I'm 26 years old but have to do exercises designed for senior citizens. It brings me to tears. I hate the fact that I have to justify my pain! Why won't people understand what this disease does to us? WHY can't I get some credit for doing what I do with the pain that I have to live with? Why can't I get any help in this country? Why do I feel like doctors just pass me along to the next specialist without trying to help me themselves (gyne -> GI -> gyne -> GI)? What do you think I should do ladies? I can't quit my job but my benefits do include disability, short and long term? I don't want to be THAT person who can't work. I'm just so sick of this. I just don't know what to do any more.
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