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Cheese with our whineFrom: Suzie (anonymous@obgyn.net)Sun Jun 11 18:13:42 2006
Do any of you feel like all you ever do anymore is whine? I'm not usually a complainer, but I feel like I can't deal with this anymore. My Gyn asked me to type up a list of all my symptoms before my appt, my list was two pages long using a 12pt font! After the prescriptions he put me on, I had to add an additional third page. When I see friends, I always tell them I'm fine, then they get mad when someone else tells them what's going on with me. If I truthfully answer how I really feel, they get that glazed eye look, like "Why did I ask, all I wanted to hear was 'fine, and you?'" Family is just as bad. My mom keeps getting anxiety attacks if I tell her the truth, or upset if I sugarcoat it. My husband really wants to know, but I feel so bad complaining to him when he drags in from working the overnight shift. He doesn't need the extra burden. My babies don't understand why Mommy is popping pills like they're sweet-tarts. After my last doc visit, I quit talking about any of it. Then everyone was assuming that the pills had fixed me when in fact I felt worse than before. I actually had someone say in my hearing "just wait, she'll pull that endo card to keep from having to help" Grrrr... I started an online diary to put down my thoughts, feelings, emotion, pain, symptoms, etc... the idea being that those who cared could read it, those who don't can be happy with the "fine" and a fake smile. After the first few entries, I cancelled it because I was depressing myself beyond belief. My pastor actually called to see how soon I could schedule the surgery, they have a revival coming up in July and wanted to make sure I was up to par in time to work nursery. I explained that finances have pushed it back till November. He responds, "Great, we don't have to pay somebody if you're available for free." I am really feeling the love today. My two friends with endo don't seem very bothered by it. They both get a little crampy and a little cranky around their monthlies. Are they Superwomen? Am I this totally wimpy person who doesn't deserve to be a woman? Sorry for all the griping, I know you girls truly understand what no one else can. How do ya'll deal with all this for so long? I try to keep smiling through it all, but sometimes it feels like my smile is broke, or lost or something. Only my kids can keep me happy. I pray and feel better till the next person starts up. Whine or not to whine? What do ya'll do? Please help me to be a quieter endo sufferer. Dom Perignon or Bartles & James? Suzie
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