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'DEAR LORETTA'From: Shell (anonymous@obgyn.net)Wed Apr 26 09:48:48 2006
SORRY IF I HIT A SORE SPOT.I TOO KNOW HOW IT FEELS.THE WORST FOR ME WAS RECENTLY THERE WAS A MAN I WAS INTERESTED IN,I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO HAVE A PARTNER LOVE ME.ANYWAYS IT WAS AT A SOCIAL GATHERING.HE CAME OVER TO ME AND I THOUGHT WE WOULD START TO TALK,I WAS EXITED ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF A LOVING MAN IN MY LIFE,AND HE SAID,"OH HOW FAR ALONG ARE YOU"I DIDN'T RESPOND OUT OF SHOCK AND BURST INTO TEARS AND LEFT.THE REST OF THE NIGHT I WAS UPSET AND CAME DOWN REAL HARD ON MYSELF.EVEN TOLD MYSELF I WOULD NEVER GET A HUSBAND. SO YOU SEE THE LITTLE BOY INSIDENT WAS A WAY FOR ME TO DEAL WITH IT.IT'S CRY OR LAUGH AT THIS POINT FOR ME.I TRY NOW TO REMEMBER THAT PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHATS GOING ON WITH ME AND THEIR NOT TRYING TO BE INSENSITIVE.IT'S HARD BECAUSE OUR HORMONES ARE SO WACKED THAT WE'RE ARE LIKE ULTRA SENSITIVE.I'M TRYING TO LEARN HOW TO TURN THAT ENERGY INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE AND COMPASSIONATE. WE DON'T HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT'S GOING ON,ESPECIALLY STRANGERS,I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION,BUT I'VE BEEN TELLING MORE PEOPLE AND AM SURPRISED AT THE EMPATHETIC AND CARING RESPONSES. SO OFTEN I FEEL THAT THIS DISEASE RUNS MY WHOLE EXISTANCE.LATELY I'VE BEEN FOCUSING ON MY SPIRITUAL FAITH AND IT'S HELPING ME RELAX MORE. THANKS TO WOMEN LIKE YOU I DON'T FEEL ALONE.LAST TIME I WENT FOR SURGERY I WAS ALONE AT IT MADE ME SOOOO SAD,BUT WHEN I CAME OUT I REALIZED THAT IF AND WHEN I LEAVE THIS WORLD I WILL BE ALONE.SO IN A WAY FEELING THIS LOW HAS MADE ME REALIZE THAT I NEED TO TAKE SHELTER IN GOD BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE SHELTER IN DR.S OR ANYONE ELSE.I DON'T WANT TO BE SCARED OUT OF MY MIND ANYMORE,I WANT TO LIVE WHILE I'M HERE AND I'VE DECIDED THAT EVEN IF MY BODY GIVES OUY AND BECOMES WEAKER I WANT MY SPIRIT TO BE STRONG.GOD BLESS YOU AND THANX.
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Last Updated: Tue Sep 2 03:52:49 2008