Re: problems with family and fears about healing
From: Angie (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon Mar 6 19:15:48 2006
Christi,
Please only take this in stride. Here I am trying to give you some
insight and I don't even have children. First off, I would like to
applaud you. It sounds like you are doing the best possible for your
family regardless of your problems. You seem to be doing more than most
mothers who don't have any health issues. The issue of home schooling
that a lot of people have is the fact that most home schooled children
are detached from the "real world". This does not seem to be a problem
in your family, which is great. It's just a thought but maybe your
brother and/or mother are jealous of everything you and your family have
been able to do despite your Endo. Or even they feel it is a problem
that your oldest two, along with hubby, pick up the slack when your Endo
flares up. I don't know what kind of advice to give you except maybe
let them sit down with children and let your children explain that they
like their life and enjoy helping Mom out when she needs it.
Along the lines of your recovery, I am scheduled for surgery with Drs.
Sinervo and Albee but have not had it yet. When speaking with Dr.
Sinervo by telephone he told me it could take months to really feel
better. He did tell me I would probably start feeling better right away
and I would continue feeling better and better as each month passed.
Please keep us updated on how you are feeling and your family issues.
Hugs to all ladies in pain tonight.
At Mon, 6 Mar 2006, Christi wrote:
>
>Background. Okay,I am a vet on parenting...son just got full
>scholarship to U. of FL, he's on his way and we still have 3 girls at
>various stages of growing. I homeschool them all. I am raising my
>children totally different than how I was raised, but in no way feel
>resentful or disrespectful toward my mom who had to make some tough
>choices as a single mom. I'm a vet in marriage...20years and still
>going strong. And I'm a vet on endo...hormone therapies, 3 laps, total
>hyster, 8 doctors, excision at CEC 6 mo ago, etc.
>
>So my,married 3 years,brother(father of 1year old) gets offended by
>something I said last week regarding something he wanted to plan with
>our older kids, it was a misunderstanding on my part but a 2 and 1/2
>year thing for him that he never talked with me about. So after he
>wrote a scorching e-mail to me, I called him to apologize cause I really
>love and care about him and don't just want another 2 1/2 years before
>he opens up again. Well, after that was somewhat worked out on the
>phone, he proceeds to complain about how he and EVERYONE else in the
>family thinks its so horrible the way we parent, and how my older kids
>act more like parents than normal teenagers because I'm sick, and how my
>kids just seem a little strange and not like other teenagers cause they
>never complain or get mad...IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH! I felt so betrayed and
>hurt. We all, in my own family unit, have had it sooo rough when my
>endo really started keeping me from doing basics. I have tried to
>explain to my mom and brother what we have to balance and struggle
>through as a family to get thru things, but there seems to be a deaf
>ear. We make the best of my bad days, we tag team parent(hubby, 18yr
>old son and 15yr old daughter) for the 6 and 3 daughters, we plan extras
>for kids to do as well to keep them busy with competitive swimming,
>basketball, baseball, piano lessons, t-ball, dance classes, speach
>therapy, youth group activities and conferences, etc. so they aren't
>socially deprived(a big point because we homeschool). Total strangers
>have come up to me because of my older kids volunteering at library and
>coaching summer swimming and have said they love our kids and think they
>are so neat.
>
>Neither my mom or my brother have ever voiced their concerns to me or
>asked any questions about how I parent or how I am coping with endo.
>Neither has offered much help or comfort during all my surgeries(I know
>they live in other states and work- but phone calls? encouragements?
>sympathies?) I was so caught off guard, I had no idea my family was
>talking about me behind my back like this and had so little respect for
>what we are going thru as parents as well as endo sufferers. I am still
>so emotional(prob also cause I'm lowering my hrt dose too), but to my
>dear sister's credit(she lives 5 min away from me and SEES our home
>life) she wants to call them up and tell them a thing or two. She is my
>total confidant and I think I would crash if I couldn't vent to her
>every once in a while. So has anyone, after reading this novel LOL,
>ever been thru this with family members? What did you do and what were
>the results of what you did?
>
>Okay the other problem I am having is fear about healing. I had
>excision surgery at CEC 6 months ago on my ureters(endo invaded and had
>to resection one), adhesions and endo removed from walls, utero sacro?
>area, culdesac and bowel areas, also they detatched bladder sling to
>make pulling less, sprayed adhesive barrier everywhere and did look
>around gallbladder,appendix and total hyster surgery areas to check for
>adhesions and or endo. They also took apart cervical cap to see if endo
>was underneth. I still have a mild diverticulitus that wasn't
>addressed. So how long does it REALLY take to recover from this kind of
>surgery? Every day and month I am getting better, able to do more, able
>to sit in harder chairs for longer times, etc....but the fear that the
>endo is coming back or they didn't get it all everytime I get a twinge
>as well as pain is just overwelming sometimes. (Epecially when I have
>to multitask other problems like the above)How do I deal with fears and
>how long does it REALLY take to totally recover from excision surgery?
>
>I am so sorry this is so long, yall. But I need some words of wisdom
>and some peace of mind.
>Thanks,
>Christi
![[ endo@obgyn.net ]](../../images/endo_at_obgyn.gif)