ENDO Messages for January, 2006: Re: No Sex With Endo

Re: No Sex With Endo

From: Tara (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sun Jan 29 18:13:06 2006

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Reply: Angie: "Re: No Sex With Endo"

Angie,

I'm going to be 30 this year also and completely understand that we are supposed to be at our "sexual peak". I'm single and don't have to face that issue as often as you, but I completely understand. The last time I had sex I think I had that painful grimace look on my face because my boyfriend kept asking what's wrong. It hurts to have sex, that's what's wrong:) Anyway, not to mention, I bled all over my new bed afterward. (And my favorite pink underwear:) I think he thought I was a medical problem waiting to happen every time we had sex. We broke up shortly after that. I wonder if that happens to a lot of us in here? I actually called my doctor to find out what that was all about and she blamed it on the progestin only pill. Who knows!

As for your husband taking matters into his own hands, no pun intended, I would definitely want to talk to him about it. You seem to try to please him when you can and I give you a lot of credit for that. He seems embarrassed to be doing what he is doing also. His hiding it may be from not wanting to hurt your feelings for not being able to have sex right now. It would concern me though, if the computer became more of a sex focus than me. I know this is kind of graphic, but have you tried some "external" toys yet? I cannot have deep sex internally either, but sometimes external stim works great. You also can email me for the details if you want to.

For a good laugh, check out a TV show on the Oxygen channel called "Talk Sex" with Sue Johanson. I think it comes on in the 10-11PM range on Sunday night. Sue is about 80yrs old and talks about many problematic sex issues, sometimes even endometriosis. (It is very graphic, just to let you know, but might be fun to watch with your husband.) I learn so much about sex and the body by watching that show and she really cracks me up! Good luck to you. Its a hard subject to talk about sometimes, but really important.

At Sun, 29 Jan 2006, Angie wrote: >
>OK, here's my newest problem...(well it's not new, I was just too
>embarrassed to talk about it)
>
>With severe Endo sex is intensely painful for me. I am hoping after my
>next surgery I can get back to a normal 30 year old woman's sex drive.
>My hubby and I have not had sex in 6 months. He is very understanding
>of the fact that it hurts me too much right now. My problem lies with
>his masturbating. Ocassionally I will perform oral sex on him which
>only leads to sex because we both get so excited. And of course I am in
>horrific pain for a few hours.
>
>Last night I went up to bed around 10:00. Around 11 I was out of Diet
>Coke and going through withdrawal (lol) so I went downstairs to grab a
>soda. As I got downstairs I "caught" hubby in the act of pulling up his
>pants and he was in front of the computer. I knew what he was doing
>(this is not the first time I walked in on him in "the act"). I
>proceeded to ignore it because he felt he had to hide it from me.
>
>I understand that he has his "needs" but at the same time it hurt my
>feelings...1) because I always had a very high sex drive and love having
>sex with him...I want to "get off" and can't in fear of the pain...but
>he can!! and 2) I also feel hurt because he's trying to hide it from me.
>
>I don't know how to approach him on it because I've acted like I didn't
>see anything for so long and don't want to embarrass him.
>
>Of course I would rather him masturbate then go get sex somewhere else
>but I get angry because he gives me no attention since I can't have sex.
>If I sit with him on the sofa and just want to snuggle and hold hands he
>thinks I am showing interest in sex. He'll then start trying to fondle
>my boobs and I get mad because all I want to do is cuddle. I feel if I
>am not having sex with him then nothing else is good enough (except for
>his hand). I wouldn't mind so much if he wasn't trying to hide it from
>me and if he would give me "cuddle time". I just want the same cuddle
>time as he has hand time.
>
>He isn't hiding his masturbating because he thinks it's "bad". He's 51
>years old and knows it's part of life, he just feels he has to hide it
>from me. Why? And what can I do about my cuddle time? Please help me
>understand this. Thanks for listening and sorry this is so long.
>
>--
>Angie
>

Next message: Tara: "Re: Post laparoscoy question"
Previous message: Heather: "Re: freaking only tylonol for two weeks!"
In reply to: Angie: "No Sex With Endo"
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