Re: No Sexual Desire..please help! -- to Lori L.
From: Jennifer (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Tue Nov 29 21:43:59 2005
Lori -- I absolutely agree with you, in fact, your once a week rule is
one that I've had in place since I started having these troubles.
I use positioning techniques because some only cause pressure instead of
intense pain.
But I think the main thing I need to do is make more of an effort, when
I do have sex with him it can't be just to satisfy that once a week
requirement, I have to find a way to want it.
The problem was he was feeling unwanted by my lack of desire or
enthusiasm for sex.
This week has been better, but when I first posted this, we had had a
very rough evening.
Thank you and everybody for the advice, I know where to turn when I need
some help.
--
Jennifer
At Tue, 29 Nov 2005, Lori wrote:
>
>This is always a fun question. Makes us all go "yup, I know that pain."
>First, I agree with the meds lowering desires, I would check into that.
>I have a few suggestions:
>1. My rule- try at least once a week to keep em happy. Keeps em home.
>2. There could possibly be one position, or activity that is less
>painful. With an understanding partner, you could try differnt ways and
>if they become painful stop and try something else until you find an
>agreeable activity.
>3. Try adding some lubricants, or whatevers.
>4. No Desire- Try just being affectionate and have him not expect it
>all the time. This usually ends up being more that just an effectionate
>time. It think it is the expectancy sometimes of the pain to come that
>diminishes our desires for sex. Men always think affection is "I want
>sex", so, just let him know you want to cuddle. They need to have exta
>patients with us, and I think if you really love your partner then you
>can reach some kind of compromise. That is what keeps a relationship
>going is compromise. You may not agree with this statement but I
>believe sex should not be totally out of the question when you are
>married. It is part of our responisbiility, whether we feel like it or
>not. In our case, maybe just not as often.I am fortunate to have a
>husband who understands my situation and tries to help me and not put
>guilt on me. I also try to understand, try but it is difficult, how
>different men are from women, and look at things also from his
>perspective. My husband tells me a man has a sexual thought about once
>every thirty minutes. Poor guys. Hope this helps. Lori L.
>
>At Tue, 29 Nov 2005, Tara wrote:
>>
>>Jennifer,
>>
>>Have you tried switching birth control pills? Some really are better for
>>libido. Try http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/journals/a/Oral_Con.htm
>>which breaks down all the pills into categories to see which works for
>>each particular problem. As far as the pain during sex and the trouble
>>urinating sounds like something is irritated. Maybe your cervix? A
>>bladder infection? May want to have the doctor look into that one a bit
>>more. Good luck to you and hope you find a treatment that works without
>>losing the drive.
>>
>>--
>>Tara
>>
>>At Tue, 29 Nov 2005, Lori wrote:
>>>
>>>Jennifer,
>>>I am sorry, I have no wonderful words of wisdom, but I do understand how
>>>you feel. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we used to
>>>have a wonderful sex life and I had a sex drive. After being diagnosed
>>>with endo, things went down hill and have gotten worse. We are
>>>fortunate and have children, but now that makes me all the more tired. I
>>>mean I have no sex drive at all, nothing. He tries and he tries to
>>>convince me and not in the most pleasant ways. I don't know what to say
>>>because I am struggling too, but I do want to say that maybe finding
>>>some sort of counseling or help or maybe some girls on this forum can
>>>help because this will continue to take a toll on your relationship. I
>>>don't know if your husband is like mine, but my husband doesn't
>>>understand the pain I have nor does he really try to. He is concerned
>>>about sex being the only part to our marriage. To me, I'm not saying
>>>sex isn't important, but it sure isn't the only thing. My thinking is
>>>talking and voicing opinoins and understanding and caring for eachother
>>>is #1, sex plays its part after all that. Weren't we told that you
>>>should have a loving relationship before sex? Umm, thought I had it, but
>>>I guess once my husband got a taste of sex, then that was it. I don't
>>>understand it, don't think I will. I guess his and my minds are stuck
>>>in two different areas. Anyways, I am saying this to tell you that I am
>>>not sure what to say to help, but keep looking for some answers or seek
>>>some professional help just so you don't end up where I am.
>>>Take care!
>>>Hugs~`
>>>Lori D.
>>>
>>>At Wed, 23 Nov 2005, Jennifer wrote:
>>>>
>>>>I believe I've come on here before with a similar complaint, but it's
>>>>getting bad and I'm feeling hopeless and helpless at times.
>>>>Here's the deal, I have been lacking libido for awhile now, in fact just
>>>>before beginning with symptoms I was going to go off of the pill,
>>>>because I feel (as does my doc) that that is the culprit. Especially
>>>>because the week on sugar pill I would usually have sexual desire.
>>>>Well, enter pain...back on pill....continually.
>>>>Having done this method of treatment for about 4 months now is, I
>>>>believe, making my sex drive worse. And worst of all, doing nothing for
>>>>my endo symptoms (which means, when my poor husband CONVINCES me to have
>>>>intercourse, it usually still hurts or at least makes me have pressure
>>>>or a feeling of having to pee at the very least).
>>>>It's beginning to take a toll on my new marriage -- it's still a small
>>>>toll and I need help nipping it in the bud now, before it becomes a
>>>>bigger problem.
>>>>The other thing is that with a lack of desire and a lack of energy, I
>>>>don't even feel like doing anything sexual very often. Of course I'm
>>>>working on increasing that, at least for my husband.
>>>>Anyway, I was all set to get off the pills - and that may happen if we
>>>>decide to start trying, but otherwise, I will likely screw things up for
>>>>myself by using no treatment at all.
>>>>Please HELP -- -somebody, I'll try just about anythint at this point.
>>>>If you feel your response is too graphic you can e-mail me (it's on this
>>>>page).
>>>>Thanks,
>>>>Jennifer A.
>>
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