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Re: No Sexual Desire..please help!
From: Lori (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Tue Nov 29 17:25:40 2005
This is always a fun question. Makes us all go "yup, I know that pain."
First, I agree with the meds lowering desires, I would check into that.
I have a few suggestions:
1. My rule- try at least once a week to keep em happy. Keeps em home.
2. There could possibly be one position, or activity that is less
painful. With an understanding partner, you could try differnt ways and
if they become painful stop and try something else until you find an
agreeable activity.
3. Try adding some lubricants, or whatevers.
4. No Desire- Try just being affectionate and have him not expect it
all the time. This usually ends up being more that just an effectionate
time. It think it is the expectancy sometimes of the pain to come that
diminishes our desires for sex. Men always think affection is "I want
sex", so, just let him know you want to cuddle. They need to have exta
patients with us, and I think if you really love your partner then you
can reach some kind of compromise. That is what keeps a relationship
going is compromise. You may not agree with this statement but I
believe sex should not be totally out of the question when you are
married. It is part of our responisbiility, whether we feel like it or
not. In our case, maybe just not as often.I am fortunate to have a
husband who understands my situation and tries to help me and not put
guilt on me. I also try to understand, try but it is difficult, how
different men are from women, and look at things also from his
perspective. My husband tells me a man has a sexual thought about once
every thirty minutes. Poor guys. Hope this helps. Lori L.
At Tue, 29 Nov 2005, Tara wrote:
>
>Jennifer,
>
>Have you tried switching birth control pills? Some really are better for
>libido. Try http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/journals/a/Oral_Con.htm
>which breaks down all the pills into categories to see which works for
>each particular problem. As far as the pain during sex and the trouble
>urinating sounds like something is irritated. Maybe your cervix? A
>bladder infection? May want to have the doctor look into that one a bit
>more. Good luck to you and hope you find a treatment that works without
>losing the drive.
>
>--
>Tara
>
>At Tue, 29 Nov 2005, Lori wrote:
>>
>>Jennifer,
>>I am sorry, I have no wonderful words of wisdom, but I do understand how
>>you feel. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and we used to
>>have a wonderful sex life and I had a sex drive. After being diagnosed
>>with endo, things went down hill and have gotten worse. We are
>>fortunate and have children, but now that makes me all the more tired. I
>>mean I have no sex drive at all, nothing. He tries and he tries to
>>convince me and not in the most pleasant ways. I don't know what to say
>>because I am struggling too, but I do want to say that maybe finding
>>some sort of counseling or help or maybe some girls on this forum can
>>help because this will continue to take a toll on your relationship. I
>>don't know if your husband is like mine, but my husband doesn't
>>understand the pain I have nor does he really try to. He is concerned
>>about sex being the only part to our marriage. To me, I'm not saying
>>sex isn't important, but it sure isn't the only thing. My thinking is
>>talking and voicing opinoins and understanding and caring for eachother
>>is #1, sex plays its part after all that. Weren't we told that you
>>should have a loving relationship before sex? Umm, thought I had it, but
>>I guess once my husband got a taste of sex, then that was it. I don't
>>understand it, don't think I will. I guess his and my minds are stuck
>>in two different areas. Anyways, I am saying this to tell you that I am
>>not sure what to say to help, but keep looking for some answers or seek
>>some professional help just so you don't end up where I am.
>>Take care!
>>Hugs~`
>>Lori D.
>>
>>At Wed, 23 Nov 2005, Jennifer wrote:
>>>
>>>I believe I've come on here before with a similar complaint, but it's
>>>getting bad and I'm feeling hopeless and helpless at times.
>>>Here's the deal, I have been lacking libido for awhile now, in fact just
>>>before beginning with symptoms I was going to go off of the pill,
>>>because I feel (as does my doc) that that is the culprit. Especially
>>>because the week on sugar pill I would usually have sexual desire.
>>>Well, enter pain...back on pill....continually.
>>>Having done this method of treatment for about 4 months now is, I
>>>believe, making my sex drive worse. And worst of all, doing nothing for
>>>my endo symptoms (which means, when my poor husband CONVINCES me to have
>>>intercourse, it usually still hurts or at least makes me have pressure
>>>or a feeling of having to pee at the very least).
>>>It's beginning to take a toll on my new marriage -- it's still a small
>>>toll and I need help nipping it in the bud now, before it becomes a
>>>bigger problem.
>>>The other thing is that with a lack of desire and a lack of energy, I
>>>don't even feel like doing anything sexual very often. Of course I'm
>>>working on increasing that, at least for my husband.
>>>Anyway, I was all set to get off the pills - and that may happen if we
>>>decide to start trying, but otherwise, I will likely screw things up for
>>>myself by using no treatment at all.
>>>Please HELP -- -somebody, I'll try just about anythint at this point.
>>>If you feel your response is too graphic you can e-mail me (it's on this
>>>page).
>>>Thanks,
>>>Jennifer A.
>
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