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Re: Help!!
From: Lori (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sun Oct 30 11:30:40 2005
I am glad to hear you have family to talk with and someone in the
medical field who understands different situations we face. My personal
experience with my husband is that he can not deal with the fact that
the one person he loves the most in this world,is suffering. I think he
would rather ignore the situation than face it. It is easier for him
that way, but it is wrong, they are not always going to be perfect and
make the right decisions and I have learned to accept that. I think
this may sound strange but most of the time I just told him to drop me
off at the hospital and see ya later. I think it also had to do with
his mother dying in the hospital, he can't even stand the smell of them.
Brings back bad memories. Twenty six is an age where maybe men are just
starting to become mature and are at the beginning of really
understanding what a relationship and family to support is all about.
Sometimes we expect and plan life to go a certain way and it seldom
does. Communicaiton in a relationship is up at the top of the list.
There will be many times when you will need to talk about things, and
not being able to will hurt. Sometimes it helps if they talk with
another man, family member or friend about the situation. Give him some
time to think about what is going on also. He may surprise you, just
because he doesn't want to talk about it with you right now, I guarantee
you he is thinking about it everyday. Everyone deals with difficult
situations in different ways. So, know is your opportunity to see how
he deals with them.And when you see how they deal with things, doesn't
mean you have to let them know, like point out that it is a weakness in
them. I can feel your frustration in the situation and understand that
you just want some answers and to know the right directions to take.
Many times I have had to remember a scripture in the bible that talks
about tommorrow always taking care of itself, and today is the tommorrow
that you worried about yesterday. The second part is not in the bible
but I like it anyway. May you find peace and comfort in knowing that
you are loved and cared about by many around you. Lori L.
At Sun, 30 Oct 2005, Lauren wrote:
>
>Thank you so much for yor reply. I really don't know why he doesn't
>want to go to the doctor with me it seems everytime I try and talk to
>him about it he gets upset and tries to change the subject like it's
>going to go away. I try and tell him I not wanting him to make up his
>mind right away and we get married tomorrow and start having children
>the next I just want him to talk to me about the situtation and see what
>his feelings are on the subject and see what he thinks I should do. What
>I have been think about is since he is off on tuesday I'm going to
>change it for that day to see if my appoint is on a day when he is off
>he will go and take that from there. to your question about who said we
>should go forward and get married and start having children, it is my
>family including my aunt who is also the nurse for my ob so she knows
>everything thats going on frm the medical aspect not just from what I am
>relaying back to them. He just turned 26 and I don't know if I'm being
>selfish but isnt that the age where you start wanting to start your
>family? I have tried birth control and it is not doing anything for me,
>the lupro I can't take due to my seizures and other health conditions
>and I tried the diets by the book and it doesn't change anything. I
>feel that I have tried every option that I can and I don't know what
>else to do. My specialist told me the same thing so now I'm just at a
>dead end. It's not like getting pregnant is going to be easier for me
>either because I am considered high risk for the fact I have epilepsy.
>My parents see that we have a good relationship and say that it is
>something that we should do. Thank you so much, it is awesome to hear
>opinions from someone other than my family and friends because their
>answers are so much easier said than done.
>At Sat, 29 Oct 2005, Lori wrote:
>>
>>Hi Lauren,
>>Doctors give their opinion to the best of their knowledge. If you do
>>some research on endo you will find that some women have difficulty
>>getting pregnant and others have no problems. One of the main factors
>>in having endo is the removal of it. If properly done women can go for
>>many years without any symptoms. A lot of factors to be considered are
>>the stage of the disease and the type of doctor you go to. Also what
>>your insurance will allow. Some people go to infertility doctors, some
>>go to endo specialist to have the disease removed. Others try
>>medications and modified diets. I think for him to say that you should
>>have kids now is a bold statement to make. It puts a lot of pressure on
>>you and you partner. If I were you, I would seek other professional
>>opinions. Have them review the findings of your present doctor. Such
>>as pathology reports etc. I had surgery every two years for about five
>>years. Never had a problem getting pregnant. I have two boys. My
>>husband has put up with me and my physical problems for almost twenty
>>five years. First educate yourself. There is alot of information on
>>this forum and links on the web. Knowledge is like power. It gives you
>>a huge advantage when visiting with a doctor. I would learn all you can
>>before you make your partner agree to such a decision. You should both
>>know the facts and what you should do according to your lives. Children
>>are definately not like buying a car or something, they change your life
>>forever and if you are not ready for that then you should consider all
>>your options. Your children will grow up and be on their own, but your
>>spouse is the one you will grow old with and be with forever. Anyway,
>>that is the way it is suppose to be. Why does he not want to go to the
>>doctors? Does he not trust what they are saying? Do he want more
>>information first? Does he not want children right away? You don't have
>>to answer these questions. I would be overwhelmed if I were him also.
>>Who would say go for it? Is it people who are not married and have no
>>children, or is it people who are mature and have experience in life and
>>have good marriages. I would think you should have some time to think
>>things through for a little while and do some searching. Hope this
>>helps a little.
>>
>>At Sat, 29 Oct 2005, Lauren wrote:
>>>
>>>I am 22 years old and I have had 3 Laparoscopy's in the past 3 years
>>>(one a year) for cysts on my ovaries and the last surgery last week they
>>>found endometriosis and my doctor told me I need to have children soon
>>>if I want to at all. He said that me having all these surgeries are
>>>giving me a risk of not being able to have children at all. I have been
>>>with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are going to get married but we
>>>weren't going to until 2008, but if we were going to have kids we would
>>>have to get married first. I have asked anyone I know what they think
>>>and they say go for it but he is very overwelmed by this and it is
>>>making him upset. I know he wants kids and my doctor says it will all
>>>be back before the end of next year and I don't know what to do. I have
>>>asked him to go to my doctors appointment with me but he said no. What
>>>should or could I do?
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