ENDO Messages for October, 2005: Re: pregnancy..

Re: pregnancy..

From: Christian (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sat Oct 29 07:25:47 2005

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At Thu, 25 Mar 1999, Helene wrote: >
>You're definitely not alone. I feel just the same. I'm 36 years old and
>started trying at 24 years old and my husband is too old to attempt
>adoption. Everybody around me just seems to fall pregnant so easily.
>Several friends have just had babies or are pregnant; my much younger
>sister has just had a baby; yesterday we went to see my husband's grown-up
>daughter of a former marriage and she told us she was pregnant and was so
>happy and proud. When I got home I just cried myself to sleep and on top of
>that I also feel guilty of not being able to be 100% happy on their behalf.
>
>It sure isn't easy to handle.
>Feel free to e-mail me privately if you want to discuss.
>
>At 08:23 AM 3/24/99 -0600, you wrote:
>>Does anyone else out there feel the same way I do? My husband and I are
>trying
>>to get pregnant.. nothing yet. My best friend is pregant, and it kind of
>hurts
>>me to talk to her about it. When my twin sister was pregant, I could
>hardly go
>>to the baby shower. My husbands niece just had a baby, and I can't hold it.
>>Everything seems to just hurt too much. And sometimes I do get angry.
>>Especially when my family laughs at me when holding my little niece and she
>>starts to cry. They laugh and say I don't know how to handle babies.... I
>just
>>really hurt and hope that I am not totally pyscho. I thought having a step
>son
>>would take the pain away, but it hasn't, not even close. I get angry with his
>>mom, because she received God's blessed gift twice, and treats them like
>crap.
>>It's just totally unfair and painful. I am really trying to be there for my
>>best friend, but sometimes it hurts too much. Am I alone???
>>

-- I believe I understand what your feeling. My best friend 3000 miles away already has a 13 year old son. I announced I was pregnant for the first time last Oct. 2004, My turn in the spot light right? Wrong, 4 months later she announced she to was pregnant. She has been with her man for over 8 years and nothing until lo and behold, something wonderful happens to me. Well, after pretty much getting over the immature "she's stealing my thunder" feeling of resentment, I had my final doc. appt. where I was informend that they could not find my baby girls heartbeat. After being induced and a few short hours of labor, I delivered the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen, I believed the most beautiful here on earth, and must be the most beautiful there in heaven. Full term baby girl, Ryann Lee, 7 pounds 1 ounce, 21 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes, pug nose, dark thick head of hair, perfect in every way, except a beating heart. Well my best friend just delivered her baby boy 2 days ago, and I dont feel happy for her, on top of that I feel tremendous guilt for not being happy for her. I'm jealous, and resentful agian, I can see her holding him in her hospital bed, just as I held my daughter for almost an entire day, the difference is, they had to take my baby away, her baby will go home with her, she knows if they take him away so she can get some rest, he will return, when she kisses his little forhead she knows she will kiss it again, I knew when I let my baby go, that would be the last time I would ever see her again, other then in a photo graph, that will never show her growing up, she will remain an infant forever, I will never hear her cry, or what her laugh sounds like, I wont even know what color her eyes were. For the next however many years to come, I will hear about her baby's first laugh, first step, first bit of solid food, and all the while I will know that Ryann should be in those same stages of life.

I get incredibly angry when I hear people say "everything happens for a reason." My response is " do you know what that reason is?" the answer always starts with "maybe........" Well I say to them, if you don't know what the reason is, then how can you be sure there even is a reason?!"

I am sorry for what you are going through, and I really dont have any words of comfort, I wont tell you any of those stupid cliches such as... "your time will come" or, "everything happens for a reason," so on and so on.

But what I do know, what I can say for sure, Anything that does happen somehow will make you a better person. Some day, some one will go through exactly what you are going through, you may not be able to solve their problem, but you can let them know you relate whole heartedly, and you will be able to offer them advice on how to get through it. This is the best answer or possible " reason" I can figure on why some people get pregnant, some people don't, some cant, some choose not to. Hang tough girl, stop beating yourself up, and God Bless.

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