|
Re: angels...
From: Stephanie (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed Oct 5 16:01:30 2005
Thanks Alyson. It does make a difference to have people who
understand...
Stephanie
At Wed, 5 Oct 2005, Alyson wrote:
>
>Stephanie,
>I've never wanted children...always insisted it wasn't going to happen,
>not me I've got too much to do in life and not enough room to make that
>kind of committment. I got married about four months ago and all of a
>sudden my world has turned upside down. I look at my husband and fight
>back tears...all I can think is "It was supposed to be my decision, our
>decision". But it doesn't seem like my decision anymore, that may have
>been taken away from me...from you, from all of us. You feel up against
>a wall with this disease, forced to choose between one life and the
>"possibility" of another. I am transfixed by pregnant women, mothers
>and their babies. I've always thought..I'm not going to have my own and
>if I ever feel like I really need to be a mom, there are too many babies
>out there without a home. Suddenly I want to be pregnant, I want to see
>my husband's eyes in my child's...and although I logically know that all
>of those things still apply, that I can still love a beautiful baby that
>isn't biologically ours, and that I still don't REALLY know if I want a
>child, it doesn't relieve that sense of LOSS that I may not have the
>option anymore. So, I can only imagine that the decision you are having
>to make is that much more painful. You can logically understand in your
>head that this is what you need, that this is the best option for
>you...and your heart can be breaking at the same time. I just wanted to
>let you know that although our circumstances are somewhat different...I
>understand.
>Alyson
>
>At Wed, 5 Oct 2005, Stephanie wrote:
>>
>>I just have to let out a sigh of relief I guess. You all certainly
>>understand as we are all going through our own versions of hades, but I
>>have found it to be difficult to talk to others around me of my pain,
>>physically and emotionally, as so many of you have expressed here. I am
>>alone in my battle as I am still single and this does not help I think -
>>although many of you have expressed the lack of support from your
>>significant others (and maybe that's a whole lot worse than going it
>>alone...). However, yesterday the nurse finally called me back about
>>talking about a date for a hysterectomy surgery. She was an angel,
>>truly... When I told her it was time, but I still want a family, and
>>I'm adopted so yes I know that's an option, she immediately said well I
>>understand why you'd want a child of your own, the blood ties, etc (she
>>said it so much better!) - she made me cry (which made her think I
>>wasn't ready for this decision). I cried though because she is the
>>first person to truly understand what this decision is costing me. Other
>>people around me say just get it and be done with it, there's always
>>adoption. True, but they don't understand! (and yes, speaking from
>>experience, adoption is a wonderful option) Granted they want me to be
>>out of this pain, but they don't get it, she did. What a relief! She
>>thinks she did not help me, but truly she did...
>>I'm sorry, I can't get this jumble of emotions out exactly the way I had
>>hoped, but I'm sure you guys understand. I just had to get it out
>>somehow how much of an impact this truly kind and compassionate angel
>>made on me, simply for understanding my emotional pain...
>>Thanks for listening,
>>Stephanie
|
|
![[ endo@obgyn.net ]](../../images/endo_at_obgyn.gif)