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Re: angels...From: shona (anonymous@obgyn.net)Wed Oct 5 14:34:07 2005
At Wed, 5 Oct 2005, Alyson wrote: > >Stephanie, >I've never wanted children...always insisted it wasn't going to happen, >not me I've got too much to do in life and not enough room to make that >kind of committment. I got married about four months ago and all of a >sudden my world has turned upside down. I look at my husband and fight >back tears...all I can think is "It was supposed to be my decision, our >decision". But it doesn't seem like my decision anymore, that may have >been taken away from me...from you, from all of us. You feel up against >a wall with this disease, forced to choose between one life and the >"possibility" of another. I am transfixed by pregnant women, mothers >and their babies. I've always thought..I'm not going to have my own and >if I ever feel like I really need to be a mom, there are too many babies >out there without a home. Suddenly I want to be pregnant, I want to see >my husband's eyes in my child's...and although I logically know that all >of those things still apply, that I can still love a beautiful baby that >isn't biologically ours, and that I still don't REALLY know if I want a >child, it doesn't relieve that sense of LOSS that I may not have the >option anymore. So, I can only imagine that the decision you are having >to make is that much more painful. You can logically understand in your >head that this is what you need, that this is the best option for >you...and your heart can be breaking at the same time. I just wanted to >let you know that although our circumstances are somewhat different...I >understand. >Alyson > >At Wed, 5 Oct 2005, Stephanie wrote: >> >>I just have to let out a sigh of relief I guess. You all certainly >>understand as we are all going through our own versions of hades, but I >>have found it to be difficult to talk to others around me of my pain, >>physically and emotionally, as so many of you have expressed here. I am >>alone in my battle as I am still single and this does not help I think - >>although many of you have expressed the lack of support from your >>significant others (and maybe that's a whole lot worse than going it >>alone...). However, yesterday the nurse finally called me back about >>talking about a date for a hysterectomy surgery. She was an angel, >>truly... When I told her it was time, but I still want a family, and >>I'm adopted so yes I know that's an option, she immediately said well I >>understand why you'd want a child of your own, the blood ties, etc (she >>said it so much better!) - she made me cry (which made her think I >>wasn't ready for this decision). I cried though because she is the >>first person to truly understand what this decision is costing me. Other >>people around me say just get it and be done with it, there's always >>adoption. True, but they don't understand! (and yes, speaking from >>experience, adoption is a wonderful option) Granted they want me to be >>out of this pain, but they don't get it, she did. What a relief! She >>thinks she did not help me, but truly she did... >>I'm sorry, I can't get this jumble of emotions out exactly the way I had >>hoped, but I'm sure you guys understand. I just had to get it out >>somehow how much of an impact this truly kind and compassionate angel >>made on me, simply for understanding my emotional pain... >>Thanks for listening, >>Stephanie i understand what allyson means every time someone tells me they,re pregnant i think why cant that be me.its hard
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