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Re: How many here are either adopted or have adopted?
From: Chris (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed Sep 28 23:08:48 2005
Hi Sudsey,
Thank you for explaining everything you did about being an adopted
child. You answered a lot of questions I've often wondered about if my
husband and I were ever to adopt, and I really don't know anyone who is
adopted to ask. It really helps to know how you feel about your parents
and the way you described how they feel about you and your sister. I
have a few questions if you wouldn't mind. When did your parents tell
you you were adopted and how did they do it? I would think it would be
best to start as young as possible so it would never be a huge shock?
And growing up, did it always bother you why your biological mother gave
you up for adoption? I'm just wondering if you thought about things like
that and what your biological family is like, etc. a lot....or just a
little once in a while.
Thanks, Chris
At Wed, 28 Sep 2005, Sudsey wrote:
>
>I'm Adopted !!!! I think some need to hear the stories related to
>adoption because there is so much hope in adoption... I know the
>reactions of learning you might have to kiss the dream since childhood
>of a biological family goodbye but it's not the end all..I know how
>important and real those feelings are to all of you unable to concieve
>and yet I know all the importances within the adoption TRIAD as well.
>
>For others here adopted can you explain the comments that we as adopted
>children were hurt by if you had them? What adoption has been to you..
>From
>Real parents/ as if adoptive parents are what unreal ( not true)
>being consider lucky as if unlucky otherwise
>Saved /unsaved and saved from what?
>Natural child/ what as if we have un-natural parents ( that makes us
>aliens right?)
>Assumption misstakenly made by other on how birth parents are all crack
>pots druggies or worse which isn't true and hello biological family have
>the same old issues.
>
>Adoptive Parents here what difference has there been in that little
>bundle of joy aside from no shared DNA or looks which is pretty
>umimportant
>I'm certain you look to the children you love as your children and your
>family as do any of us with biological children would, and those
>children look to you and say hi mom and hi dad I love you!
>
>I am broken hearted for all of you who are unable to experience
>pregnancy. I know the hurt and fear in the death of a dream you have
>held so tightly close to your hearts since your own childhood but when
>that dies by Endo related complications there is still hope there is
>still the means to have the children you dream of.. It should not
>matter what color the hair or if they have your eyes b/c it's about
>loving a child so much that you'd lay down your own life for theirs. If
>it is a family you dream of, adoption can give you just that, yes minus
>DNA and last I checked I don't go around concentrating on this DNA
>aspect of parenting. I see a mother and a small child and think AHHH
>what a cutie pie. I see the child look up to them and not once do I
>ponder hmm is that child sharing their DNA, I see the love between and
>it's beautiful.
>
>Adopted as well as reunited with my Birth family. I did not seek to
>replace the loving family I was raised with that I call mom and dad. I
>was 25 yrs old before my reunion took place and yes my adoptive parents
>feared that but why they feared it was interesting. They feared my
>being hurt by this women who might not want to have been found more then
>they feared loosing me to her at that age..Holidays are with my Family
>not my Birthmom though yes I've shared certain off set holidays with my
>birth family but my devotion my life belongs to my adoptive parents and
>I can't see that any other way.
>We were not family by adoption or DNA but by the Unconditional love
>suppourt and all that they did for me growing up. She's my mom he's my
>dad the same as a Bio child referrs to the birth parents. My parents
>did not love me any less b/c I didn't have their DNA or that my mother
>didn't birth me. If being a family was all about pregnancy and birth it
>would be well disgusting in my opinion b/c I know it's about
>unconditonal love, devotion, support, shared expereinces.
>
>When I had my first child I gave my own parents the gift of childbith
>through me. My parents who'd not been able to go through pregnancy
>childbirth and all of that one aspect of parenting were standing there
>through it all. My mother and father couldn't have been more excited as
>they were seeing their first grandson being born and having the ability
>to be a part of that which Edno robbed her of so many years prior.
>
>Adoption isn't saving some poor little child from anything at all it's
>just creating a family that through all the hard work blood sweeat and
>tears you put into it will be the most rewarding thing you can imagine
>it can be.
>
>You will hit rock bottom in your heart if letting go of the dream family
>you only thought possible by pregnancy and it's ok to let yourself feel
>all those ugly emotions from sorrow to anger to the unfairness within
>that but then pick your butt up and make it happen another way. That
>dream family will only die if you let it or want it to it's meerly an
>adjustment in the means to achieve the family. My father when adopting
>me feared not being able to love another child. Ok that sounds bad but
>they adopted my sister before me and he had such devotion and love for
>my sister he couldn't being to imagine how he'd react to a divide in
>that but the minuet he held me in his arms that fear was gone and he's
>not stopped loving me ever since.
>
>I know this is certainly a very touchy subject packed with some truely
>strong emotions and I'm not trying to downplay anyones pain in not being
>able to concieve yet I want to offer the hope and a glimmer into my own
>experience as the umm Adoptee who's by no means more special a gift nor
>saved from some horrible life otherwise. I just got to my parents in a
>different form then childbirth bottom line that's it that's all...
>Hugs to all
>Sudsey
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