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Re: IF I COULD SCREAM NOW, I WOULD!!!
From: Alyson (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon Sep 19 15:08:27 2005
Lori,
I haven't been dealing with the sexual aspect of this for that long, but
I understand that it is really hard to get yourself to want to do it. I
am starting to wonder if it not only has to do with the pain, but a
little bit of depression as well. It is really hard to feel sexy and
attractive when this constant pain forces you to feel broken and
exhausted. I've only been married 3 months. This is not what I thought
newlywed life was going to be. My husband is very understanding so far,
especially since I used to drive him nuts with my sex drive. He's
probably happy for a break! I wonder too if your husband may feel left
out in a way. You do have so much on your plate with your family and
this disease occupies so much of our thoughts. Maybe he misses you.
I've said before that I miss myself, the person I was before this
started to consume me. Surely our mates feel some of that as well. Men
don't really know how to say what they mean alot of times and I wonder
if that was what he was trying to get at when he said that he misses the
way you guys used to be. Even though its not about him...you aren't
deliberately withholding that is...he may be taking it personally. I'm
not taking his side, just playing devils advocate.
And yes we too often apologize (especially to each other) for things
beyond our control.
Alyson
At Mon, 19 Sep 2005, Lori wrote:
>
>Hi girls,
>I am frustrated. I just got back to my office a bit ago and the more I
>think about my recent lunch with my husband the more upset I get. He
>called me and asked me to go to lunch with him. I said sure. So I
>picked him up and we went out to eat. When we were leaving I was
>heading back and he said that he didn't have to go back to work this
>afternoon b/c he has to work this evening. I said, I should get back to
>work. He then implied that he wanted to go home and have sex (sorry to
>say it so bluntly) I then said, I can't. Not only because I have
>obligations at work, but b/c I just can't. I then proceeded to
>apologize to him and tell him I can't help it that I hurt and that I
>just didn't feel like I could. We just did not last night, but the
>night before and man did it hurt. He was upset and said, we never do it
>like we used to. He complained that we only do it at night and we never
>have "nooners" as he likes to call them. I then felt that he only asked
>me to lunch to see if he could get any. I don't have any sexual desire.
>It just isn't there. I read in some of the former posts about sex
>experiences lately. I too, don't even want to do the foreplay or other
>things. I am tired and sore and I have so many things on my mind about
>work, kids, household chores and bills. I can't get that stuff out of
>my head. He seems to only think about sex. We are both on different
>paths and it is frustrating. I don't know what else to say or do to him
>to make him understand the slightest. He always says he'll be gentle,
>but he isn't. I just pretend and wait for him to be done. I know that
>sounds horrible, but the sooner it is over, the better. I don't know
>why I feel this way, but I do. Is anyone else out there feel like their
>other half can't understand? Or doesn't want to understand? Sorry about
>the bluntness in this post. It was the only way I could say what I was
>truly feeling. Thanks!
>Lori D.
>Oh yeah, do any of you catch yourself apologizing for something that you
>can't help? Why do we do that?
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