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Re: melt down TO ANGELA(and anyone else interested)
From: Alyson (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Thu Sep 8 12:10:57 2005
Angela,
That has to be the most hysterical thing ever. The mental image I have
of a guy rolling around in bed at night with a sharp rock in his undies
has me in tears. But I also have to say I am incredibly impressed that
he stuck with it for 3 days!
I think fatigue has a ton to do with this. You can only go so many
nights without good sleep. Julie metioned to me in an earlier post that
your seratonin levels hit the deck when you have chronic pain. No
wonder we are all basket cases.
Best wishes for another good day,
Alyson
At Thu, 8 Sep 2005, angela wrote:
>
>Alyson,
>I have to admit I was giggling as I was reading your post...yesterday I
>had a relatively pain free day. My reg doc gave me some celebrex and I
>feel better, I went and got a massage.....and still I went home and
>cried!! I am laughing as I write this and I am not sure why....Fatigue?
>I am glad I found somewhere to vent and share...My pain is not
>excrutiating...but it is constant. My boyfriend asked what it was
>like...I told him to put a small sharp rock in his shoe and walk around
>with it all day and then put it in his underwear when he went to
>bed....He did it LOL!!!! for 3 days and he was a mess HAHAHA but he now
>has a little bit better understanding......
>Have a great day and know that I am thinking of you and wishing you well
>Angela
>At Thu, 8 Sep 2005, Alyson wrote:
>>
>>Angela,
>>Yes exactly! I guess that post was really more about me being baffled as
>>to why we do this to ourselves than me being upset about myself in
>>particular. I just find it so amazing that in this day and age we still
>>don't allow ourselves that freedom. Our men are usually the first to
>>throw themselves a pitty party if they have a cold, but we apologize to
>>them (even when they are being so supportive) for being in excrutiating
>>pain. And even crazier, we post messages on this board that we are
>>having a bad day and then add an apology at the end for saying it. I
>>mean if we can't whine to each other without feeling ashamed, who can we
>>whine to?
>>I think we are all strong women by virtue of dealing with this disease
>>and still managing to get through life in general. So, I just really
>>hate that we do this to ourselves, that we view ourselves as weaklings
>>for aknowledging that some days its just too much.
>>I'm feeling a little more put together today...at least I haven't cried
>>yet! ;-)
>>Thanks for listening!
>>Alyson
>>
>>At Wed, 7 Sep 2005, angela wrote:
>>>
>>>Alyson,
>>>My heart aches for you....quick story....a few days ago I was filling
>>>out a questionaire for my doc and i gave answers like "the pain is ok;
>>>not too bad" and I thought my boyfriend was going to come unglued. He
>>>said "yes it is bad, really bad!! why are you minimizing this?" I
>>>started to think about the crying fit I had on Friday and I did the same
>>>things as you. It is the way that we are wired. Somehow saying out
>>>loud that you feel cra**y is admitting some kind of made up defeat in
>>>our minds. We as women are programed that we are the glue that holds
>>>the family together and when we are broken we don't look at it
>>>realistically to fix ourselves. Prioritize your life. Is the world
>>>going to end if you don't vacuum this week? can you confide in someone
>>>at work that you are feeling sick and tired and could use a hand? If you
>>>are not taking care of yourself...you are not taking care of anyone
>>>else. Give yourself permission to feel sh**y. You sound like a great
>>>woman with alot of love for others! Do not feel bad about asking your
>>>loved ones for some help and support. If you can afford it get a
>>>massage, pedicure, hire someone to help around the house for a day or
>>>something like that. Write your husband a short note and thank him for
>>>his love and support. Hell.....I don't have any answers....this is just
>>>the stuff I am trying to keep myself sane....it works most of the time!
>>>I am thinking about you and will be here if you need me! YOU ARE STRONG
>>>AND WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>At Wed, 7 Sep 2005, Alyson wrote:
>>>>
>>>>Hey Ladies,
>>>>I went home last night and had a good crying fit, I mean a really good
>>>>one. My husband is out of town alot, which doesn't help-not his fault
>>>>though, and when he called last night I finally just broke down. I told
>>>>him how disappointed I get in myself when I start to feel so
>>>>overwhealmed and that I don't want to seem weak and whiney.
>>>>I posted yesterday and I've seen a few other posts today that seem to
>>>>get at the very same thing. Its made me start wondering how many of us
>>>>are still living this antiquated idea of what it means to be a strong
>>>>woman, that we are supposed to suffer our pain without so much as a
>>>>wimper all while holding ourselves, our lover, families, household, and
>>>>jobs together. I found myself apologizing to my husband this morning
>>>>for breaking down last night and he kept asking me why I would apologize
>>>>for such a thing. I don't know. We even apologize to each other on
>>>>this site.
>>>>The crazy thing is that we are all strong women. Our guts are on fire,
>>>>stabbing, throbbing, pulling, kidneys feel like they are exploding and
>>>>we get up every day and pull ourselves together as best we can and do
>>>>what we have to do. We can't make love to our mates, we can't walk the
>>>>dog, we've lost sight of ourselves and yet we can't give ourselves the
>>>>gift of saying "You know what, I feel like sh*t today. Again. And I'm
>>>>freakin tired of it." As Julie said to me, we deserve to scream and
>>>>pound our fists every now and again.
>>>>I think I'm going to try therapy for a bit so, as Julie said again, I
>>>>can pay someone to listen to me throw a fit. Maybe they can explain to
>>>>me why I don't feel like I deserve that.
>>>>Whew! Thanks for listening and thanks for your support,
>>>>Alyson
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