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melt downFrom: Alyson (anonymous@obgyn.net)Wed Sep 7 14:25:08 2005
Hey Ladies, I went home last night and had a good crying fit, I mean a really good one. My husband is out of town alot, which doesn't help-not his fault though, and when he called last night I finally just broke down. I told him how disappointed I get in myself when I start to feel so overwhealmed and that I don't want to seem weak and whiney. I posted yesterday and I've seen a few other posts today that seem to get at the very same thing. Its made me start wondering how many of us are still living this antiquated idea of what it means to be a strong woman, that we are supposed to suffer our pain without so much as a wimper all while holding ourselves, our lover, families, household, and jobs together. I found myself apologizing to my husband this morning for breaking down last night and he kept asking me why I would apologize for such a thing. I don't know. We even apologize to each other on this site. The crazy thing is that we are all strong women. Our guts are on fire, stabbing, throbbing, pulling, kidneys feel like they are exploding and we get up every day and pull ourselves together as best we can and do what we have to do. We can't make love to our mates, we can't walk the dog, we've lost sight of ourselves and yet we can't give ourselves the gift of saying "You know what, I feel like sh*t today. Again. And I'm freakin tired of it." As Julie said to me, we deserve to scream and pound our fists every now and again. I think I'm going to try therapy for a bit so, as Julie said again, I can pay someone to listen to me throw a fit. Maybe they can explain to me why I don't feel like I deserve that. Whew! Thanks for listening and thanks for your support, Alyson
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