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i'm losing my mindFrom: Alyson (anonymous@obgyn.net)Tue Sep 6 14:41:09 2005
I try so hard to be a supportive influence on this site. I want to share my information, my experiences, and try to share the positive feelings. I just finished telling a couple of girls not to get ahead of themselves, take it one day at a time....and now I'm sitting here thinking I am so full of poo! I just want to kick and scream and cry and throw things da*n it! I've been in pain for a year and a half, had surgery a year ago with no result and the pain has been horrible for four months now. I hurt so badly every stinkin day. I've done the heat, the diet, the accupuncture, the baths...they all work in their own little way, but it seems like nothing helps anymore. I try to take my Percocet sparingly (I don't want to become dependent). I find that I have started pouring myself a drink or two every night. That is so unlike me. My poor husband doesn't know what to do. He tries so hard to be supportive and understanding, but what do you say to someone who is doubled over every day for months on end? I lose my temper with him for the least little things. One minute I am a total zombie, the next I am livid and then I just cry and I don't even know why. My short term memory is out the window. I started the dryer yesterday, walked out of the room and couldn't remember if I turned it on or not. I feel so overwhealmed, out of control of my emotions, my body. I don't even remember what it is like to be the person I used to be. Bless his heart my hubby keeps telling me "Its OK honey we'll get you fixed up". I have surgery scheduled next month. I'm both elated and terrified. I am absolutely manic at the thought that it might not work. The last one didn't. And what if it doesn't? What then??? I hate this, I hate feeling sorry for myself, but I just have to get this out before I lose it. Thank you... Alyson
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