ENDO Messages for June, 2005: Re: Just need to vent a little...

Re: Just need to vent a little...

From: anonymous (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed Jun 22 11:11:35 2005

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My reply is only concerning the last bit of your message... This is the time when it's important to focus on what you have instead of what you don't have. Marriage is about companionship, sharing, understanding and love it is not about having a regular sex life. Although sex is an important part of a relationship it is not and should never be the glue that holds it together.

Yes you will both be frustrated by this because your wants, needs and desires tend to ignore whatever pain you're in. The most important thing you need to have in your relationship with your husband when it comes to your sex life or the lack thereof (and this goes for all social activities too) is patience.

Here's a suggestion for you, log your symptoms and pain cycle, when you see a time period where your pain levels are at their lowest plan your social and sexual activities during that time. Take a pain pill first and really make an event of it. Take a hot bath with candles and soft music playing, have a nice dinner in (either he cooks or you get delivery), make the entire day a gentle lead in to the night's events and take it S L O W. Talk to your husband, if he's using too much pressure or needs to shift then tell him so, he doesn't want to cause you extra pain he wants share a pleasurable experience so gentle guidance will be key for you both. It may not be 100% pain free but hopefully more tolerable and enjoyable for you both.

For your social activities try to do the same thing, keep the rest of the day as stress-free as possible, schedule during your 'less painful' days, take a pain pill first and don't 'tough it out' for your husband's sake. Do as much as you can for as long as you can but when you begin to feel tired or the pain is returning either re-dose and take a little breather or call it a night. Try for just one night per month and see how it goes, like a dinner & movie date just the two of you and then maybe another time with another couple.

Most of all, trust that your husband loves you and let him. There are plenty of ways to make love without sex too, just be creative and communicate openly with each other.

At Wed, 22 Jun 2005, Erica wrote: >
>Here is a brief history...Two years ago after being in pain for quite
>some time I had a lap done and was diagnosed with endo. After the
>procedure I got 100 times worse. The doc said that that was impossible
>and I should go to pain clinic. That night I ended up in the ER and
>they found that I had 4 different infections from the surgery. At the
>ER I found a great doc and he was my doc for my second lap. He did a
>LUNA procedure and that worked 100% for 2-3 months. He had been telling
>me to try to get pregnant in hopes that it would lessen the pain for a
>while. In Feb of this year I got pregnant. I had never been so happy
>in my entire life. I ended up in the ER at 5 weeks because I was in
>pain and they thought that I may had adhesions on my ovary but couldn't
>do anything about it until the baby was born. I continued to be in pain
>though. In May, I lost the baby. Devasted is the only word to describe
>that. My new doc (because mine moved out of state) though that I might
>have IC because I was in so much pain and NOTHING has worked (BCP's,
>Lupron, progestrone etc...). I did the test for IC and that came out
>negative. Now I am just waiting to see if my new doc will go in and see
>what is happening. I live on pain pills. I have been prescribed
>oxycontin which I have a hard time taking because I am in school. I
>want to have another baby but here's the kicker...I got married in April
>and my husband and I haven't had sex since February.
>I guess I am nto sure what my point is here except I am at my wits end,
>I have NO life, my husband has no life because of me. I know things
>could be worse and I am SO grateful for everything that I do have I just
>can't help but feel that this is not how life should be.
>
>Sorry this is SO long, I just needed to vent. I am pulling for all of
>you and my thoughts and prayers are with you all. Thanks to everyone
>for the advice that you give on this site it is helpful to know that
>we're (in a way) all in this together.

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