Re: Endo specialists in GA??
From: anonymous (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri Dec 31 17:54:07 2004
I suggest you carefully re-read Andrew's original post and my original
answer. It was not I who made assumptions and generalizations, it was
Andrew in his statement that "We have had a few bad experiances of docts
that want to keep putting her under the knife (they make more $$ that
way)."
And it was I who told him that is a false statement. I certainly hope
he hasn't made any such remarks to his wife or in her presence because
even if her head agrees that it does seem that way, it is still a hurful
and insensitive comment. He certainly does not intend to cause her any
additional pain I'm sure, but it just shows how even when men think they
are being 'good' that they need to be aware of what they say and how
they say it.
Most men do not under stand subtle signs, they need someone to say "that
sounds mean" to know that it might be taken wrong. Ask any man if they
would rather have someone give them hints or straight-forward
information.
If Andrew is on a mission to find information for his wife then my
little post is not going to deter him from doing so and hopefully it
will help him and other men be a little more sensitive when making
comments regarding the amount of money it is costing for their wives to
try to find solutions to very difficult gyne problems.
At Fri, 31 Dec 2004, Melanie wrote:
>
>Anonymous,
>
>I think that the other anon's point was that he is here asking for help
>and it seemed like you jumped all over him making all kinds of
>assumptions that you aren't equipped to make. You don't know anything
>about their relationship or that he's been insensitive to her in any
>way. I'm sorry your ex-husband wasn't very supportive but that's no
>reason to attack him. You seem to be going off the deep end over the
>comment about the dr making more money, but how do you know he's ever
>said that TO HER or that she doesn't feel the same way for that matter?
>I know that many here, myself included, have complained and made
>negative comments about how badly we've been treated by healthcare
>'professionals' and they don't get attacked so why should this guy? Just
>because he's a man? He came here asking a question trying to help his
>wife and you responded in a very non-constructive way. I wouldn't be
>surprised if he never posts here again because of it. You said that you
>hoped he felt "a little sting". What has he (not your ex) ever done to
>you? Basically, you have nothing helpful to contribute, so maybe you
>should bow out of this particular discussion.
>
>At Fri, 31 Dec 2004, anonymous wrote:
>>
>>Nowhere did I say that I thought Andrew would prevent his wife from
>>receiving any recommended treatment. What I did say was that he needs
>>to be careful and sensitive when making comments such as:
>>
>>"docts that want to keep putting her under the knife (they make more $$
>>that way"
>>
>>I heard that statement and others similar to it many times from my now
>>ex-husband. And it is because of those statements as well as other
>>thoughtless and insensitive things he said and did that he is my ex. As
>>far as he was concerned I was the doctor's "cash cow" and what Andrew
>>said was essentially the same thing.
>>
>>See, men are fixers and when they see a problem they can't fix they get
>>frustrated. They say and do things without thinking about how it will
>>affect the other person and you take a poll on this forum and ask the
>>women here how often and to what lengths they go to try to appear
>>perfectly fine so they don't have to hear from their male partners how
>>difficult they are being, how it can't possibly hurt that much, etc.
>>etc. etc.
>>
>>So, if Andrew felt a little sting because of what I said then good,
>>maybe it will make him think twice before he opens his mouth and lets
>>any other insensitive remarks fall out. I'm as glad as you are to see
>>him here asking for help for his wife but he does need to pay attention
>>to what he says and how he says it. She is suffering and in trying to
>>not let on how much she is suffering she gets to hear remarks about how
>>her doctors are going to make lots of money from her? Not fair, not
>>nice, not very supportive.
>>
>>At Thu, 30 Dec 2004, anonymous wrote:
>>>
>>>Maybe you didn't mean to come across as really rude, but you did.
>>>Nowhere does Andrew say that he would prevent his wife from having
>>>surgery if a trusted dr with good references said she needed it. The
>>>fact is that women with endo are, many times, dismissed, treated
>>>improperly, or they just have pain pills thrown at them to shut them up.
>>>I know I've had MANY unnecessary procedures and the money is going into
>>>someone's pocket. I think that it's great that he's on this board
>>>trying to find some answers for his wife. I know that there have been
>>>times when I felt like I couldn't fight anymore and it's nice to have
>>>someone behind you. He asked for the name of an endo specialist in GA,
>>>not to be raked over the coals.
>>>
>>>At Thu, 30 Dec 2004, anonymous wrote:
>>>>
>>>>It makes my blood boil when I see references that women are somehow the
>>>>key to a doctor's independent wealth.
>>>>
>>>>Firstly, any time a doctor goes into the OR his malpractice insurance
>>>>rates are subject to going up so he/she does not automatically make more
>>>>money. Yes, surgery costs more than a pill - doesn't an engine rebuild
>>>>cost more than an oil change? Why is it that when a woman does not go to
>>>>a doctor with a problem and walk out 5 minutes later with an answer her
>>>>husband automatically says, "He saw you coming, now he's gonna make a
>>>>ton of money off of us." That is just a stupid remark to make and you
>>>>are NOT making your wife feel any better. In fact, Andrew, you are
>>>>making her feel guilty for being in pain or sick so just stop saying
>>>>thoughtless things like that.
>>>>
>>>>Secondly - perhaps the problem your wife is having in that particular
>>>>spot between vagina and anus is NOT endo related but is instead due to
>>>>scar tissue or improper healing post-childbirth and if that is the case
>>>>then surgery may indeed completely solve that problem.
>>>>
>>>>Lupron works for some but not all. Hormone treatments work for some but
>>>>not all. Hysterectomy works for some but not all. Patience,
>>>>perserverance and educating yourself does work. Keeping records of your
>>>>pain, etc. does work. Being supportive, helpful and understanding does
>>>>work.
>>>>
>>>>Good luck
>>>>
>>>>At Wed, 29 Dec 2004, Andrew wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>My wife of 25 had endo and so far she has had 3 operations, hormone
>>>>>tratment and is undergoing Lupron. Her case is a bit diffrent in that
>>>>>her endo is manifesting itself bettween her veginal opening and her
>>>>>anus, under the skin. Most likely due to the birth of our fist son (big
>>>>>headed). We are looking of a specialist in the area if anyone can make
>>>>>a suggestion we would aprciate it. We have had a few bad experiances of
>>>>>docts that want to keep putting her under the knife (they make more $$
>>>>>that way). Ho and if they speak spanish much better but not a
>>>>>requierment.
>>>>>
>>>>>Thanks.
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