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Re: UPDATE: Why are some men so insensitive? Sorry I just need to vent...TO NICOLE AND CIARA
From: Amy (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed Aug 25 14:31:16 2004
Great news Tia! I am glad to hear he seems to be coming around. Nothing
is worse than fighting endo and having a partner who is not supportive.
Sounds like he has come to his senses!
Amy
At Fri, 20 Aug 2004, Tia wrote:
>
>First I want to thank you for the advice. I really appreciate all of
>you ladies for giving me support.
>Well it finally came to the point where I just had it. I told him
>either to except it or leave me alone.
>He acknowledged that he was being extremely selfish and that in order to
>be with me he had to straighten up and fly right.
>Lately he is been so good. He's been cooking for me, making my bed in
>the morning and cleaning up. Also when I tell him that I am not in the
>mood, he's respectful and does his own thing and goes to sleep without
>all the hassle. I am hoping that he keeps it up. I do love him, but I
>have already acknowledged that there are other men to do what he won't.
>I think he finally getting that through his head. We spent the last
>couple weekends apart and I think that gave him a chance to think about
>what an impact I have.
>I am hoping that things will work out. All i can do is pray and take it
>one day at a time. Once again thanks
>-Tia
>
>At Fri, 20 Aug 2004, Nichole wrote:
>>
>>Tia, I agree with Ciara you need someone who will treat you with more
>>respect and understand you are in pain. I am 30 and have been with my
>>husband for 10 years now. Our sex was great in the beginning till my
>>endo would flare up and now after knowing I have had this disease since
>>I was 17 my sex life sucks. My husband stands by me 100% and so should
>>your
>>boyfriend. He should understand the pain you are going through but
>>until
>>you are wrapped up in a ball cause sex absolutely kills you he probably
>>won't
>>understand. Also some young guys don't understand this disease. My
>>husband
>>is 13 years older than me and maybe that is why he understands a bit
>>more
>>than most. I just think you should see if either you can educate your
>>boyfriend on this disease and what it is like to go through it each and
>>every
>>month or dang near every day. Cause now I am at the point my pain is
>>there
>>daily. Or maybe you should figure things out. But know there are good
>>men
>>out there who do care and understand. I had my 2nd lap done 2 weeks ago
>>yesterday and I am still in some pain. Not as bad but it is still there
>>so
>>today I am going to find out if in December I can do a hysterectomy and
>>maybe
>>then my sex life will increase due to the pain hopefully won't be there.
>>I need to do something and so do you one way or another. You need to
>>think
>>of your health cause this disease hurts and brings one down cause you
>>are always
>>in pain so please think of yourself. I don't even think we live a
>>normal
>>life due to the pain, My hubby wants to go out and have a barbeque and
>>guess
>>what I don't feel good so I don't go or I go but am quiet cause I am in
>>pain.
>>Your boyfriend needs to read what all of us are saying on here and maybe
>>he
>>will get a clue. Have him go with you to your dr. appt for your dr. to
>>tell
>>him why things are the way they are that might help also. Anyways I
>>will get
>>off my soap box hope this helps you out. Keep smiling
>>
>>At Thu, 19 Aug 2004, anonymous@obgyn.net wrote:
>>>
>>>Tia,
>>>
>>>Keep your chin up you can do so much better. I started having symptoms
>>>really young. When I was 17 my high school sweetheart dumped me because
>>>I was too moody for him. I had my lap at 17 and vowed to never date a
>>>guy who didnt understand. Well I am 19 and I have found one (he is
>>>nearly 21). I still have symptoms. For one day out of every month all
>>>I want to do is cry. I get leg cramps that drive me crazy. And
>>>sometimes sex does hurt. He was my first so we did have sex alot at
>>>first, however things have been changing and recently we went a month
>>>without it because it caused me pain. Your boyfriend should care about
>>>you. He should NOT want to cause you pain. It is hard living with
>>>this, and guys need to understand that. If he is not willing to give a
>>>little then you need to cut him loose. As 'endo-people' we have enough
>>>pain to deal with in our lives. I have had this since I was 14, its
>>>hard enough to live a 'normal' life.
>>>
>>>Good luck with him, but from what I read you deserve alot better then
>>>that!
>>>
>>>Ciara
>>>
>>>At Thu, 12 Aug 2004, Georgie wrote:
>>>>
>>>>Hi Tia,
>>>>
>>>>Sorry that you are in so much angst at the moment.
>>>>>From reading your post I get the feeling that your boyfriend is
>>>>demanding unconditional love from you without giving you the same gift
>>>>in return. To me that seems a bit one sided and selfish - if he really
>>>>loved you he wouldn't be pressuring you for sex when he knows how much
>>>>it hurts you; he wouldn't be expecting you to do his laundry or
>>>>cleaning, but instead would be doing yours for you! Intimacy is so much
>>>>more than physical pleasure, although that is a healthy part of an
>>>>appropriate loving relationship. If he wants the sex without the
>>>>intimacy, I suggest that you are both missing out on what a relationship
>>>>is meant to be.
>>>>
>>>>I'm sure that there is a lovely man out there somewhere who will love
>>>>you and look after you regardless of your disease and the
>>>>frequency/absence of sex. Keep your chin up!
>>>>
>>>>--
>>>>Georgie
>>>>
>>>>At Wed, 11 Aug 2004, Tia wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>It's me again. Don't mean to be obnoxious, but I am just really sad.
>>>>>On top of my pain, another added layer of stress: My relationship.
>>>>>I have been with my boyfriend for going on 2 years this December; but I
>>>>>feel like we are starting to grow a part and it has a lot to do with
>>>>>this disease.
>>>>>He's 21 soon to be 22 and I am 20 soon to be 21.
>>>>>He's been talking about how frustrated he is that intercourse is no
>>>>>longer regular and how it hurts me. How I am always in pain and all i
>>>>>want to do is sleep.
>>>>>He says he understands but I feel like he selectively understands. I
>>>>>feel like I do everything for this guy. I cook, I clean his place, I do
>>>>>his laundry, I lend him money sometimes. In turn he tells me loves me
>>>>>and doesn't want to loose me; but wants to know if our love is
>>>>>unconditional.
>>>>>In other words he wants to know if he went off with someone else or
>>>>>wanted time to do his own thing, would I take him back?
>>>>>To me this sounds absolutely ridiculous and I feel like he is just
>>>>>playing with my emotions. I feel like the only reason he has not run
>>>>>off yet is because he knows that I would be so angry and I wouldn't take
>>>>>him back.
>>>>>His theory is that if you love someone unconditionally if they mess up
>>>>>then you are willing to work it out.
>>>>>I mean that is fine and dandy but I feel like this whole thing is
>>>>>premeditated. Like he is testing to see how far he can push the
>>>>>envelope with me.
>>>>>His pig head friends all tell him that he's too young to be tied down
>>>>>and he should go experience what is like out there since he had not been
>>>>>with many partners.
>>>>>I feel like he brings up my past just to prove that I had my fun and so
>>>>>should he; but ends it with "i love you and don't want to loose you."
>>>>>I feel like it is a bunch of crap. I feel like he is selfish and just
>>>>>using whatever excuse to try and justify the fact that he wants more
>>>>>intercourse. But I am in no state right now to have sex 4, 5, 6, times
>>>>>a day.
>>>>>I know that there are some of you going through some hard times with
>>>>>your husbands and boyfriends. I am just unsure as to what to do. Do I
>>>>>let this thing play out? I told him how I felt and our conversation
>>>>>lastnight ended with I'll call you tomorrow. I could be waiting until I
>>>>>am blue in the face.
>>>>>There is someone older that seems to be more understanding to what I am
>>>>>going through and sometimes helps me get through the day more so than my
>>>>>own damn boyrfriend.
>>>>>I blame myself because I have allowed him to get so close to me that I
>>>>>feel like I would have nothing left. We have the same friends, go to
>>>>>the same church, pretty much do everything together. This just hurts
>>>>>and I don't know what to do. As if the physical pain is not enough. I
>>>>>am sitting here at my job crying. This sucks. I want to go home.
>>>>>Has anyone felt like this? I feel like i have invested too much to give
>>>>>up, but I also feel like I cannot play this game with him. Any advice?
>>>>>Sorry so long.
>>>>>- Tia
>>>>
>>>--
>>>Ciara Conway
>>>
>>--
>>Sincerely Nichole
>>
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