Re: PLEASE Help!
From: Anita (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Mon Jan 26 17:04:58 2004
Hi J,
If your friend (some friend!) thinks it's all in your head maybe you
want to get her to read some of the posts on here - thousands of us
can't have these imaginary pains...can we??? Maybe by her reading some
of the posts, she might get a better understanding than just your words
alone? Better still show her your post, if you can't say it to her face,
or it falls on deaf ears...maybe print a copy of your post out and give
it to her?!? She can then get an idea of where you're coming from, as it
seems she doesn't currently.
But if she really is a friend she should understand. I guess it's up to
the individuals themselves as to how understanding they are. In the
last year I have missed 2 very important weddings through sheer pain and
not being able to move and just crying, crying, crying. I am just
grateful that the people involved have understood as I personally was
gutted.
I am afraid I have no pearls of wisdom as to what to do with your
friend, but I just wanted you to know that I understand and you really
are not suffering alone.
This damn disease won't make me give in, and I am determined it won't
stop me doing what i really want to do - one of my dreams is about to
come true. Trekking in the Himalayas! Don't quite know how I'll cope
and how far/high I'll manage to do...but I know I'm going to give it my
best shot!
--
Anita x
At Mon, 26 Jan 2004, J wrote:
>
>Hi everyone.
>
>This is really long... sorry...
>If you don't feel like reading the background, you can skip down to the
>"Here's the problem" below.
>
>BACKGROUND, SO YOU UNDERSTAND...
>
>I have suffered from endo for years now. I was (never pain free, but)
>okay before. However, it has come back full strength again. I am more
>depressed now than I was when I had to first deal with the diagnosis. I
>handle the pain well enough to keep my job, but that is about it. I
>workout and dance when I am able, b/c it helps relieve some of the pain
>and stress. Other than that - I do nothing. I hang out at my
>(boyfriend's) house and sleep. I bleed every day with is really
>hindering on both a physical and mental level.
>
>I am moody, sad, negative, and antisocial. I cry EVERY DAY. I no
>longer enjoy previously pleasurable activities. I have begun avoiding
>everyone. I just don't feel up to being around people. It takes so
>much effort not to scream and cry and collapse. The pain does not let
>up. The idea of trying to act human enough to interact with anyone -
>just thinking about it - depresses me and makes me not want to see
>anyone.
>
>I am trying to work on my mental outlook, but it is difficult when I
>can't control the underlying cause. But I am trying... My first goal
>is to get over a severe anger and dislike of myself and my body. (Very
>difficult)
>
>All during work I have to be pleasant and pretend as if I am alright.
>Then at home, I have (to a lesser extent) keep up the act. I have
>gotten so used to being in pain that I tend not to show it anymore - but
>instead I just shut off, go numb, and/or sleep.
>
>I put everything I have into making it through work so that I can keep
>my job - keep my insurance - so in a year, once it is not disqualified
>from coverage for being a "pre-existing condition" - see a doctor for my
>endo and hopefully get some HELP!!!
>
>HERE IS THE PROBLEM...
>
>My best friend and I are not talking b/c last Sunday I missed our plans.
>I was feeling very badly, and I fell asleep. I slept much longer than I
>would have ever thought. As soon as I woke up, I called her - but she
>was angry b/c she had been sitting around waiting for me to call. I
>understand why she was upset. It is not like this is the first time I
>have not called. Plus we never see eachother, I don't call much
>anymore, and when I do - I tend to be pretty negative. I have been
>distant, unreliable, and generally just not a very good friend. So I
>understand her frustration.
>
>HERE IS WHERE I AM LOOKING FOR HELP...
>
>How can I make her understand that this is b/c of the endo? That b/ c of
>it, I am unreliable. Endo is a trump card. It has final immediate say.
>I am sure there are others here who have had their relationships suffer,
>or even lost them. I don't want to lose her. She is an amazing person.
>She just doesn't understand - b/c she doesn't have Endo. I want her to
>understand that it is not just me being a bad friend - that Endo can be
>extremely debilitating.
>
>Plus, she made the comment that she thinks that some of it is in my
>head, and that I just don't deal with it as well as I used to, and let
>it get to me more. What she can't see - or more accurately FEEL - is
>that it is worse than it was before, so of course I don't deal with it
>as well. Her making that comment really, really HURT me.
>
>MY HOPE IS THAT MAYBE ONE OF YOU WILL HAVE SOME WORDS THAT I CAN SHARE
>WITH HER TO HELP HER UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH.
>
>Please - if you can - PLEASE help me. I can't lose her friendship. I
>already feel like I have lost so much.
>
>Thank you
>
![[ endo@obgyn.net ]](../../images/endo_at_obgyn.gif)