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Re: Are all of these feelings NORMAL??

From: Eva (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Fri Sep 12 07:58:23 2003


At Fri, 12 Sep 2003, Kim wrote: >
>Hello, here I am once again. You guys have been great. I have just
>been feeling really down lately. I guess it probably is normal w/all of
>the pain we deal w/on a daily basis. I feel bad complaining, b/c unlike
>some of you on the board, I have had my children so at this point in my
>life that is not a concern, couldn't imagine dealing with that on top of
>this, I feel for all of you. I just feel so rotten that I am just not
>myself and I don't like it. Usually I'm an upbeat person always smiling
>and joking around and I miss that person, haven't seen her in a while.
>I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired! I'm sure you can all
>relate. I have so much hope in my lap., and I probably should face
>reality that it probably won't "cure" me, but atleast I hope to get some
>answers and go from there. I guess one of the biggest things is that I
>just married the love of my life after being together for 4 years (my
>2nd marriage), we got Married in Aug., almost had to call off the
>wedding b/c I landed myself in the hospital just a couple of days before
>our wedding from the PAIN! Anyway, we couldn't even make love on our
>wedding night, and our intimate life just is no where the same and I
>feel guilty about that. Deep down I know I shouldn't, but I can't help
>it. We looked so forward to being married, and I feel like I'm not
>being a good enough wife. I try to keep up w/everything around the home
>as I'm not working right now, hoping to get something soon when I'm up
>to it. He's a wonderful man and a excellent step-father to my children!
>I try not to complain all of the time, but I wonder if he doesn't
>realize how hard this is for me right now b/c I think I try to "hide"
>the pain if I can b/c I don't want to be a baby. Then I push myself too
>far being superwoman and it just kills me! I will make love w/him (he
>says no we don't have to I don't want you in pain) but I do b/c I feel
>like I'm "neglecting" his needs, then I pay for it afterwards and try to
>play it down. How can I really explain this all to him and help him to
>understand what I'm going thru and make him realize that I'm not trying
>to push him a way, I'm just not myself lately! It really stinks b/c the
>last month or 2 has been the WORSE for me, and who wants to start their
>marriage out like this, I guess maybe it'll bring us closer?!?! I always
>try to look on the bright side, sometimes it's hard as I'm sure you can
>relate! Any place I should have him look online to help him understand
>what I'm going thru and that it has nothing to do w/him, I'm just not
>myself but love him and need him more than ever! Thanks for your help,
>and sorry this is so long!
>Kim
>
>--
>Kim Bills
>

Good Morning Kim,

You know, I used to love sex! It is something we simply don't do very often b/c we know that it typically causes pain for me. The other issue is that I am afraid to get pregnant after loosing three pregnancies. I really understand how you are feeling. My husband, too, is WONDERFUL. He is so caring and kind and says that kids are a bonus, not part of the deal. We have to believe and TRUST in what our spouses are telling us - they DO love us and DON'T want to see us in pain - even if it means less sex.

When my pain gets really bad, I go on a dairy, wheat, sugar, and caffeine-free diet. It is not as hard as it sounds! Just try it for a week and if you don't feel at least some relief from the swelling and pain then at least you have tried. I have done this for 2 weeks now and tried eating McNuggets and Fries w/ diet soda yesterday - boy am I paying for it today! Even the baked fries I tried on Sunday had me in pain for a day. It is so worth it to me to avoid the swelling and painful bowel movements. I am scheduled for a lap next month, so until then I really need to manage my pain as I am trying to stay active in the work I love. Please feel free to contact me for more information on this way of eating and how to do it if you've never tried it.

Kim, we can only do our very best with the condition we have. If that is not good enough for someone (and I'm sure it IS for your husband) then we cannot change their perception.....but we can change our own. We need to value what we contribute to our households. It may not be what we used to be able to contribute, but that does not make it less important. Be kind to yourself, and accept what people say - don't project your own insecurity onto their love...he loves you!

GOOD LUCK!

--
Much Peace, Eva



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