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Are all of these feelings NORMAL??From: Kim (anonymous@obgyn.net)Fri Sep 12 07:10:17 2003
Hello, here I am once again. You guys have been great. I have just been feeling really down lately. I guess it probably is normal w/all of the pain we deal w/on a daily basis. I feel bad complaining, b/c unlike some of you on the board, I have had my children so at this point in my life that is not a concern, couldn't imagine dealing with that on top of this, I feel for all of you. I just feel so rotten that I am just not myself and I don't like it. Usually I'm an upbeat person always smiling and joking around and I miss that person, haven't seen her in a while. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired! I'm sure you can all relate. I have so much hope in my lap., and I probably should face reality that it probably won't "cure" me, but atleast I hope to get some answers and go from there. I guess one of the biggest things is that I just married the love of my life after being together for 4 years (my 2nd marriage), we got Married in Aug., almost had to call off the wedding b/c I landed myself in the hospital just a couple of days before our wedding from the PAIN! Anyway, we couldn't even make love on our wedding night, and our intimate life just is no where the same and I feel guilty about that. Deep down I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. We looked so forward to being married, and I feel like I'm not being a good enough wife. I try to keep up w/everything around the home as I'm not working right now, hoping to get something soon when I'm up to it. He's a wonderful man and a excellent step-father to my children! I try not to complain all of the time, but I wonder if he doesn't realize how hard this is for me right now b/c I think I try to "hide" the pain if I can b/c I don't want to be a baby. Then I push myself too far being superwoman and it just kills me! I will make love w/him (he says no we don't have to I don't want you in pain) but I do b/c I feel like I'm "neglecting" his needs, then I pay for it afterwards and try to play it down. How can I really explain this all to him and help him to understand what I'm going thru and make him realize that I'm not trying to push him a way, I'm just not myself lately! It really stinks b/c the last month or 2 has been the WORSE for me, and who wants to start their marriage out like this, I guess maybe it'll bring us closer?!?! I always try to look on the bright side, sometimes it's hard as I'm sure you can relate! Any place I should have him look online to help him understand what I'm going thru and that it has nothing to do w/him, I'm just not myself but love him and need him more than ever! Thanks for your help, and sorry this is so long! Kim
-- Kim Bills
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