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Re: Advice on how to get hubby to understand....
From: Pam (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sun Mar 23 17:22:37 2003
He sounds like he doesn't know what century we are living in!!!! He also
sounds very insensitive to your pain. Tell him this is what you need!!
Sometimes men just DON"T get it!!!! I would also suggest he go to the
doctor with you, especially your doctor is male, he might respond better to
a man and get better understanding of what you are going through. I know my
husband takes my doctor very seriously and is much more empathetic with my
condition when a professional is in his face with the facts. My husband
goes to my appointments and has since been especially understanding and
wanting to help. If he's anything like my husband he will probably just
overlook the laundry until you end up doing because it's driving you crazy!!
I just make a list and say "I'm in a lot of pain today, this is MY list of
chores that needs to get done today, anything on here that you would be
willing help with would be greatly appreciated. AND never ask CAN you help
me? Can always leads to a yes or no answer!! Will you help or would you
help almost always leads to a yes answer. My husband does most of it
without a complaint. I make sure to praise him, even if he doesn't do
everything exactly the way I would have. You would be surprised by just how
much he will be willing to help if you just ask him in the right
way.Personally if he doesn't get more involved and help out more I would
suggest you to see a counselor. This could lead to some major marriage
problems.
>Pam----- Original Message -----
From: "tara" <anonymous@obgyn.net>
To: "Multiple recipients of list ENDO" <anonymous@obgyn.net>
Sent: Thursday, March 20, 2003 10:24 PM
Subject: Re: Advice on how to get hubby to understand....
> Yep, I agree with being specific. Sometimes you have to spell it out to
> men because they don't "get it" or they don't think you're that serious
> that you are just being emotional.
>
> Otherwise, then quit doing things for him. Let his clothes sit until he
> decides to wash them. Let the house go if you're too ill to clean it
> and if he it bothers him, then he can do something about it.
>
> Have your doc talk to him. Share medical information from the interent
> to help explain what you are dealing with. The bottom line could be he
> just doesn't understand. If he thinks it's gross tell him to grow up,
> it's a fact of life.
>
> Tara
>
> At Thu, 20 Mar 2003, Danette wrote:
> >
> >I have some advice: ask very specifically for what you want help with.
> >If you want him to wash the towels or sheets, ask him to do it. I don't
> >think men always understand subtle hints. I tend to say "I am really in
> >a lot of pain. Could you please help me with the laundry?"
> >
> >I hope this helps!
> >
> >At Wed, 19 Mar 2003, holly wrote:
> >>
> >>i am so sorry that you aren't getting enough support. has your dh gone
> >>with you to your doctor? perhaps that might help. when my dh went and
> >>saw how uncomfortable i was during the pelvic exam because of the pain,
> >>he started to understand a little better. i still drive him nuts
> >>sometimes, but we are both getting better at dealing with things.
> >>
> >>i really have no other advice. hopefully, some other people will.
> >>
> >>At Wed, 19 Mar 2003, anonymous wrote:
> >>>
> >>>Hi there, I'm experiencing problems getting my husband to realize that
> >>>I'm sick and need some help around the house and with responsibilities.
> >>>I am in pain/nausea/aching about two weeks of the month yet I am still
> >>>doing the same amount of work as I was when I felt pretty much ok. I
am
> >>>tired, I can still do the work, but I'm so tired all the time. I
> >>>already work ft, and on top of it I have always been in charge of
> >>>running the house, groceries, laundry, pretty much all of it. He try's
> >>>to do 1/2 the cleaning, and his own laundry, but he probably only does
> >>>about 30% of the cleaning and only his clothes - no towels or sheets.
He
> >>>says he'll do more to help, but does nothing different. If I just
leave
> >>>stuff hoping that he'll do it, he doesn't. He thinks he's doing alot -
> >>>he asks how I'm feeling everyday and makes sad faces when I'm hurting.
I
> >>>can't think of anything else he is doing specifically for my endo, or
> >>>anything that is new since it has gotten so much worse. I read him
> >>>stories from this forum, and discussed it with him, I had hoped it
would
> >>>help him understand what I'm in for and how bad it really is for those
> >>>two weeks every month. All it did was turn him off of sex, he winced
> >>>the whole time I read the stories to him, covered his ears, and acted
> >>>like it was gross. Although the endo doesn't really affect our sex, it
> >>>has affected our fertility, we are waiting to adopt, so he hasn't been
> >>>able to totally ignore the disease. I discussed it with him last
night,
> >>>told him he isn't 'taking care of me' very well. He said it's hard to
> >>>take care of me when I'm a b**tch all the time, it pushes him away. He
> >>>says he understands that I'm irritated, but I should take it out
> >>>elsewhere not at him, then he would help me more. How can I not be a
> >>>b**tch when I do all the work and am sick all the time. I feel so
> >>>frustrated !
> >>>
> >>>Advice? How can I get him to undestand?
>
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