Re: Advice on how to get hubby to understand....
From: tara (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Thu Mar 20 23:22:53 2003
Yep, I agree with being specific. Sometimes you have to spell it out to
men because they don't "get it" or they don't think you're that serious
that you are just being emotional.
Otherwise, then quit doing things for him. Let his clothes sit until he
decides to wash them. Let the house go if you're too ill to clean it
and if he it bothers him, then he can do something about it.
Have your doc talk to him. Share medical information from the interent
to help explain what you are dealing with. The bottom line could be he
just doesn't understand. If he thinks it's gross tell him to grow up,
it's a fact of life.
--
Tara
At Thu, 20 Mar 2003, Danette wrote:
>
>I have some advice: ask very specifically for what you want help with.
>If you want him to wash the towels or sheets, ask him to do it. I don't
>think men always understand subtle hints. I tend to say "I am really in
>a lot of pain. Could you please help me with the laundry?"
>
>I hope this helps!
>
>At Wed, 19 Mar 2003, holly wrote:
>>
>>i am so sorry that you aren't getting enough support. has your dh gone
>>with you to your doctor? perhaps that might help. when my dh went and
>>saw how uncomfortable i was during the pelvic exam because of the pain,
>>he started to understand a little better. i still drive him nuts
>>sometimes, but we are both getting better at dealing with things.
>>
>>i really have no other advice. hopefully, some other people will.
>>
>>At Wed, 19 Mar 2003, anonymous wrote:
>>>
>>>Hi there, I'm experiencing problems getting my husband to realize that
>>>I'm sick and need some help around the house and with responsibilities.
>>>I am in pain/nausea/aching about two weeks of the month yet I am still
>>>doing the same amount of work as I was when I felt pretty much ok. I am
>>>tired, I can still do the work, but I'm so tired all the time. I
>>>already work ft, and on top of it I have always been in charge of
>>>running the house, groceries, laundry, pretty much all of it. He try's
>>>to do 1/2 the cleaning, and his own laundry, but he probably only does
>>>about 30% of the cleaning and only his clothes - no towels or sheets. He
>>>says he'll do more to help, but does nothing different. If I just leave
>>>stuff hoping that he'll do it, he doesn't. He thinks he's doing alot -
>>>he asks how I'm feeling everyday and makes sad faces when I'm hurting. I
>>>can't think of anything else he is doing specifically for my endo, or
>>>anything that is new since it has gotten so much worse. I read him
>>>stories from this forum, and discussed it with him, I had hoped it would
>>>help him understand what I'm in for and how bad it really is for those
>>>two weeks every month. All it did was turn him off of sex, he winced
>>>the whole time I read the stories to him, covered his ears, and acted
>>>like it was gross. Although the endo doesn't really affect our sex, it
>>>has affected our fertility, we are waiting to adopt, so he hasn't been
>>>able to totally ignore the disease. I discussed it with him last night,
>>>told him he isn't 'taking care of me' very well. He said it's hard to
>>>take care of me when I'm a b**tch all the time, it pushes him away. He
>>>says he understands that I'm irritated, but I should take it out
>>>elsewhere not at him, then he would help me more. How can I not be a
>>>b**tch when I do all the work and am sick all the time. I feel so
>>>frustrated !
>>>
>>>Advice? How can I get him to undestand?
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