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Re: Advice on how to get hubby to understand....
From: Danette (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Thu Mar 20 21:25:20 2003
I have some advice: ask very specifically for what you want help with.
If you want him to wash the towels or sheets, ask him to do it. I don't
think men always understand subtle hints. I tend to say "I am really in
a lot of pain. Could you please help me with the laundry?"
I hope this helps!
At Wed, 19 Mar 2003, holly wrote:
>
>i am so sorry that you aren't getting enough support. has your dh gone
>with you to your doctor? perhaps that might help. when my dh went and
>saw how uncomfortable i was during the pelvic exam because of the pain,
>he started to understand a little better. i still drive him nuts
>sometimes, but we are both getting better at dealing with things.
>
>i really have no other advice. hopefully, some other people will.
>
>At Wed, 19 Mar 2003, anonymous wrote:
>>
>>Hi there, I'm experiencing problems getting my husband to realize that
>>I'm sick and need some help around the house and with responsibilities.
>>I am in pain/nausea/aching about two weeks of the month yet I am still
>>doing the same amount of work as I was when I felt pretty much ok. I am
>>tired, I can still do the work, but I'm so tired all the time. I
>>already work ft, and on top of it I have always been in charge of
>>running the house, groceries, laundry, pretty much all of it. He try's
>>to do 1/2 the cleaning, and his own laundry, but he probably only does
>>about 30% of the cleaning and only his clothes - no towels or sheets. He
>>says he'll do more to help, but does nothing different. If I just leave
>>stuff hoping that he'll do it, he doesn't. He thinks he's doing alot -
>>he asks how I'm feeling everyday and makes sad faces when I'm hurting. I
>>can't think of anything else he is doing specifically for my endo, or
>>anything that is new since it has gotten so much worse. I read him
>>stories from this forum, and discussed it with him, I had hoped it would
>>help him understand what I'm in for and how bad it really is for those
>>two weeks every month. All it did was turn him off of sex, he winced
>>the whole time I read the stories to him, covered his ears, and acted
>>like it was gross. Although the endo doesn't really affect our sex, it
>>has affected our fertility, we are waiting to adopt, so he hasn't been
>>able to totally ignore the disease. I discussed it with him last night,
>>told him he isn't 'taking care of me' very well. He said it's hard to
>>take care of me when I'm a b**tch all the time, it pushes him away. He
>>says he understands that I'm irritated, but I should take it out
>>elsewhere not at him, then he would help me more. How can I not be a
>>b**tch when I do all the work and am sick all the time. I feel so
>>frustrated !
>>
>>Advice? How can I get him to undestand?
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