ENDO Messages for March, 2003: Re: Advice on how to get hubby to understand....

Re: Advice on how to get hubby to understand....

From: Christina (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Wed Mar 19 20:47:44 2003

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Hi Holly, My thoughts and sincere prayers are w/ you. I am in the same situation. I'm sorry, but my husband is a true demon (I've even had dreams of him turning over in bed and I seeing a demon's face---weird, huh?--This occurred when we were actually doing better earlier in the marriage)and I do not see a distant future w/ him. It does sadden me. I don't mean to discourage you. I know, in my situation, I have tried to rationalize his behavior. He may hear, but does not listen. I see a future divorce (and yes, I do hate that word)w/ this man (trying to get all my stuff together). I sacrificed my medical career for this illness and this damn marriage and was lucky enough to have two children (one was recently diagnosed with autism, so my husband and I are FORCED to work together for his sake). When the time comes, I KNOW he will fight "to-the-death" for custody of the only kids I will ever be able to have. I am scared. Very scared. Yes, I feel badly about it in a certain way, but it has gotten worse w/ time. I hope you two can perhaps get some counseling or something (and tell him you love him--sometimes it helps momentarily and sometimes he might act like he doesn't want to listen.). Perhaps he will go for counseling, perhaps he won't. Perhaps he is listening, he knows you feel badly, but is having a hard time showing it because he may be under a lot of stress himself (I know, like YOU'RE not, right?!!?) Anyway, enough of blubbering about myself. I have had to face reality (it has slapped me in the face repetitively over & over & over....). Anyway, peace be w/ you. I hope you can work it out you, two! I think you know that relationships are not all smooth or increase in level of happiness on the graph. They are VERY dynamic. Yes, this is one explanation. But if he refuses all interventions to help preserve the relationship, maybe he needs a "shock" to his system. ---Experiment!! I had to sneak and move out (took me 4 months after I had a new place) before I felt he was FINALLY listening to me. Hey, sometimes people need things like that! Anyway, I've talked your head off (like that's all you need---every person has their own specific situation), so you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Tina merry_85282@yahoo.com

--- holly <anonymous@obgyn.net> wrote: > i am so sorry that you aren't getting enough
> support. has your dh gone
> with you to your doctor? perhaps that might help.
> when my dh went and
> saw how uncomfortable i was during the pelvic exam
> because of the pain,
> he started to understand a little better. i still
> drive him nuts
> sometimes, but we are both getting better at dealing
> with things.
>
> i really have no other advice. hopefully, some
> other people will.
>
> At Wed, 19 Mar 2003, anonymous wrote:
> >
> >Hi there, I'm experiencing problems getting my
> husband to realize that
> >I'm sick and need some help around the house and
> with responsibilities.
> >I am in pain/nausea/aching about two weeks of the
> month yet I am still
> >doing the same amount of work as I was when I felt
> pretty much ok. I am
> >tired, I can still do the work, but I'm so tired
> all the time. I
> >already work ft, and on top of it I have always
> been in charge of
> >running the house, groceries, laundry, pretty much
> all of it. He try's
> >to do 1/2 the cleaning, and his own laundry, but he
> probably only does
> >about 30% of the cleaning and only his clothes - no
> towels or sheets. He
> >says he'll do more to help, but does nothing
> different. If I just leave
> >stuff hoping that he'll do it, he doesn't. He
> thinks he's doing alot -
> >he asks how I'm feeling everyday and makes sad
> faces when I'm hurting. I
> >can't think of anything else he is doing
> specifically for my endo, or
> >anything that is new since it has gotten so much
> worse. I read him
> >stories from this forum, and discussed it with him,
> I had hoped it would
> >help him understand what I'm in for and how bad it
> really is for those
> >two weeks every month. All it did was turn him off
> of sex, he winced
> >the whole time I read the stories to him, covered
> his ears, and acted
> >like it was gross. Although the endo doesn't
> really affect our sex, it
> >has affected our fertility, we are waiting to
> adopt, so he hasn't been
> >able to totally ignore the disease. I discussed it
> with him last night,
> >told him he isn't 'taking care of me' very well.
> He said it's hard to
> >take care of me when I'm a b**tch all the time, it
> pushes him away. He
> >says he understands that I'm irritated, but I
> should take it out
> >elsewhere not at him, then he would help me more.
> How can I not be a
> >b**tch when I do all the work and am sick all the
> time. I feel so
> >frustrated !
> >
> >Advice? How can I get him to undestand?
>

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Next message: Map: "Thank you"
Previous message: Brenda: "Re: Post Hysterectomy Endometriosis"
In reply to: holly: "Re: Advice on how to get hubby to understand...."
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