ENDO Messages for March, 2003: Re: All advice welcome

Re: All advice welcome

From: Amy (anonymous@obgyn.net)
Sun Mar 16 14:50:32 2003

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In reply to: Husband: "All advice welcome"

At Sun, 2 Mar 2003, Husband wrote: >
>This is Mr.Swanson. My wife is Amy. I am asking you ladies for some
>help. My wife had her Luna and Lap on the 21st of February. Since
>then, she is still in a good deal of pain. She has an appt with her
>doctor on Tuesday. She is on Vicodin and Ibuprofen. I am asking for
>advice about her emotional state. I think that she has slipped into a
>deep depression. Is this due to the surgery or pain medication or the
>pain itself or all of the above or is this normal for anyone that
>suffers from endometriosis? She cries a lot and I try to console her.
>She is not mean or belligerent- but she does cry through out the day and
>is very withdrawn. I want to be there for her- but I do not know how
>anymore. She does not even participate in this forum anymore. She does
>not do a lot of the things that she once enjoyed. If any of you have
>any suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. I want to help her. I
>want to pull her out of this depression. She is on anti-depressants and
>she is kind. I know her well though. And I know that she is sad. Any
>ideas? Sorry if I am bothering any of you. I am a guy and I cannot
>really relate to her suffering. But I do want to try my best to do my
>part, for her sake and that of our children. Thank you for your time. I
>am clueless...

Dear Mr. Swanson, My name is Amy. I am 25 years old now. I came down with pain so bad that I blacked out at work 2 months after I was married. I think your wife and me have a whole lot in common. My pain has been so bad that I have been known to crawl into a dark corner and cry until no more tears where left. I have had 2 surgeries in 14 months, my doctor's bills exceed $40,000 and I am still in pain. My husband has no idea how to cope any more, so he runs away. Whatever you do, do not run away! As down as I get and as much pain that I am in, the one thing that always makes me smile (even if it is only on the inside) was my husband's warm embrace. I know that it is very hard to see your wife in pain and not be able to take it away. The best thing you can do is be there for her always no matter what state she is in at the time. Try taking her out. If her pain is like mine, she is most likely too exhausted to enjoy life to the capacity like she used to before her endo. Remember the little things in life she enjoys and make sure you help remind her of those things. For example, I love my cat. So when my knees are to my chest and the only sound out of me is more of a whimper than anything; my husband hands me my cat and cuddles me up with my favorite blanket. It sounds like such a small thing, but it helps me. Also on one of her less painful days, take her out as a surprise. It can be a simple date like the park or a new place to eat, just as long as it gets her mind off of the pain. See if you and her friends can start her on a hobby at home. Or make sure that if she is in pain and stuck at home, that her friends come by often. Try and take care of the stressful daily actions at home, like paying the bills or even doing the dishes. And above all, talk to her about how you feel. Getting her to talk about how she feels about how her pain is effecting her will give you a greater understanding of how you can help. Just always be there for her and give her plenty of warm hugs and kisses. Remember you don't have to do anything big to let her know you care. Just knowing that someone cares about her and that she is not alone in her pain will help her. Has she ever tried more powerful pain killers like oxycontin or even homeopathic cures such as heat or diet change or herbs? I find heat helps my cramps a lot. You can even get little heat pouches from Therm-o-care which stick to the inside of a women's undies for constant heat therapy. Start researching yourself different treatments for her pain. That way you feel less helpless and you might find out about something which she has not tried before. Hope this helps.... Amy

Next message: Mindy: "Re: Doctors and ladies"
Previous message: Amy: "Re: To Mindy re 'drug' therapy"
In reply to: Husband: "All advice welcome"

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