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All Ladies- please read- especially LaurenFrom: Amy (anonymous@obgyn.net)Thu Mar 6 02:55:04 2003
I am truly sorry. It seems that whether I post or not- it makes little difference. People will continue to harbor resentment toward me and/or my husband. I never meant to cause such chaos around here. I do participate in other forums within Obgyn.net. I have horrible insomnia and I have been depressed and I am a bit ashamed to say that these forums have been my only interraction with other women most of the time. I wake up every day and just exist. The pain is quite debilitating and does depress me. I do not wish to "wallow" in it, therefore I try to distract myself with a movie or a book or the internet. I cannot do much at the moment. I am in a lot of pain. My house looks as if a tornado came through. I just go through the motions lately. I cater to my 4 yr old son who suffers Tourette Syndrome and is autistic. I take care of my 13 month old baby girl. I feel that I go from one chore to the next and I feel so overwhelmed. Some time ago, there were many threads in regards to the whole Tap thing. I sincerely apologize that I ever got on the soap box. I do appreciate this forum so very much and all the women that participate here- I was trying to defend this wonderful place that had become so very dear to me. Unfortunately, I caused even more of a stir and have since become the Lupron ad-supporter scapegoat. Plenty of participants offered their opinions and exposed their emotions in regards to the ads and the decisions of the board members. I was one of the participants and my husband was another. Somehow we have become the scape goats and our opinions have continued to dominate this forum (be it with replies of support and agreement to our own or replies of disagreement) although we have not posted since in regards to that thread. Part of the reason I quit posting over here, on the Endo forum, was because I knew that I had taken part in the controversial thread over Tap and Lupron-in such a big way and things became so heated and intense- I thought it best to leave (temporarily) in hopes of diffusing the situation and in hopes of this forum restoring and regaining it's original intended purpose- which is to offer support for those afflicted with endo- male or female. This forum is not my stage to convince or coerce others into agreeing with me or my opinions or views and for me to have treated it as such (once upon a time) was wrong. I sincerely apologize to all that I have offended. My husband is genuine. He does exist and he really did post his own thoughts. He was never trying to advertise his manhood. He trashed the company he works for on this forum over company policy and hypocrisy in hopes of drawing a parallel scenario to the whole Tap thread. Because of that- he went by Mr. Swanson or Husband of member to keep his anonymity. (He does not wished to get fired) I was a bit miffed at him this week for returning here- in spite of his knowledge that I have stayed away- but I do appreciate his efforts and I do understand why he posted for advice. It is true that I have shut him out. It is true that I have not "let him in" on my emotions and thoughts lately. He simply stated, "Honey, I didn't know where to turn. You're upset all the time and depressed and robotic and I thought who better to ask for suggestions and help other than women that have endo, too." He had no idea that he would offend anyone by asking for advice this past week. For those of you that think my life is a walk in the park- I would like to share a bit of my life with you. Maybe then you can appreciate me (in spite of our differences) as a human being. I am lucky if I shower by noon, lately. I feel guilty and I feel like an awful mother because I do not have the energy to interract with my children the way that I would like. I think they deserve much better than a mother that complains all the time that she has an "Owie". I count myself lucky though as my sister, Tracey- only 26yrs old- is literally dying of cancer and on Hospice care. Then I feel even more guilty for counting myself lucky and for griping about my troubles that pale in comparison to hers. I adore my son- but due to his neurological disorder (tourette syndrome and autism) he is a handful and I wish so much that I did not have endo- I think I would be better for him and to him if I did not have to deal with these horrible cramps and endo growths and medicines all the time. I thank God that I have my children. But I have had heartache in that area too. I have suffered an ectopic pregnancy (last month) and 4 miscarriages and a stillborn baby girl at 34weeks- I wonder how much of these tragedies can be blamed on or attributed to my endo. My purpose in this post is NOT to throw a pity party for myself or to "wallow" in my own misery. My only purpose is to shed a bit of light on who I am as a person and let you all know that I have feelings and pain just as all of you do. I also know that I am risking a select few participants trampling on my feelings and posting more chaos due to this posting of mine. So be it. I do not intend to antagonize any of you. You have enough on your plate as it is. I do want to participate in this forum and I do want to offer and receive as much support as possible because Lord knows we ALL need it. AND FOR LAUREN- I sincerely apologize for hurting your feelings on behalf of myself and my husband. You are entitled to speak your mind as much as any of us. Will you please forgive me? I have read many of your posts and although we disagree on a few issues- I do respect you as a person and an important contributor to this forum. I am sorry to hear that you have had such pain recently- I know what that kind of pain is like and you will be in my prayers. AND TO ALL- please accept my apologies and please let us not argue anymore. I assure you all that I will do my part and not rile anyone on purpose. Sorry this was so long. Take care, everyone... I wish you all comfort and rest and pain free days! Sincerely, Amy Swanson
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